Boyfriend doesn’t want me to study abroad

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am talking to a guy who is 19. His mother likes me and is always encouraging me to do well in school.

I am not so bright, but this guy is very bright and he helps me. I am going to evening classes because I graduated with two passes. My uncle is paying for me to go to school. He lives in America. I told him that I would love to be a nurse. He and his wife are encouraging me to come to America and try to get in the nursing programme up there. My uncle says that the best way for me to get to America would be for me to get married to a young man there. I told my uncle that I have a boyfriend and he said it would be up to me, but if I wanted to stay in Jamaica he would still help me.

My boyfriend doesn't want to hear me talk about going to America, because he does not want to lose me. My mother told me that I shouldn't listen to my boyfriend because I am young and I have a future in front of me. My boyfriend and I have never had sex. We are Christians, and we do not want to fornicate.

My big concern is to know what to do about the offer my uncle has mentioned. My uncle and his wife do not have children. The doctor told her that she will never be able to conceive. So my uncle and her have given up on children. They have a room ready for me. Although I love my boyfriend, I agree with my mother. I would like to go away and get some training in nursing. In that way, I would get married and be able to help my mother. I love my boyfriend, but my uncle says that I am too young to understand what love is all about. I know I love him; I can feel it in my heart.

My mother told me that she used to say that she couldn't do without my father, but he went out and got another girl pregnant, and she has never loved him like that again.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

I am glad that you are a Christian and that you are attending evening school.

You did not do very well in your exams, but you have done better than many because you have passed two subjects. You might be a slow learner, but the important thing is that you are still trying and eventually, you will succeed.

You have a boyfriend who seems to be genuine. I am sure that you are happy for the help that your uncle is giving to you. I believe that he is in a position to help you because he does not have children. I hope that he will not encourage you to do a business marriage to get you to America. However, when you have reached 18, if a young man in America loves you and would want to marry you, you may accept his proposal. Some people in America marry very young. Some do so as soon as they are out of high school; others go on to college and get married immediately after graduating.

Your mother knows that it is not wise for a girl to fret over a young man, or for her to put a young man before her education. So please do not allow opportunities to pass you by because you believe that you are in love. Take time to pray about your future. God is able to guide you. I would love to hear from you again. Be diligent in your studies.

Pastor