Wasted my money being in this relationship

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I read your column every day. I am a 25-year-old woman and I am living with a man who says he does not believe in marriage.

When I met him two years ago, he didn't talk that way, but now he says there is nothing good in marriage. He is five years older than I am. When I just met him, he was planning to buy a house, so both of us put money together and made the down payment. So I cannot just walk away from him. Another woman will walk in and enjoy the fruits of my labour.

I told this man I am living with that if he is not going to marry me, he should repay me what I gave him as down payment on the house. He says that he is not running me, so it's up to me if I want to leave; but he does not have the amount I am asking him to give me. He told me that too many of his friends got married and now they regret doing so. I told him that I am not a cheater and I would never cheat on him. But he is insisting that we don't have to get married. I told him that I want to become active in my church, so I cannot live with him.

One of my brothers told me that I should take the matter to court. I don't like the idea of going to court, because I still love this man and I am hoping that he would not put me in this unnecessary expense in taking him to court.

Please tell me how you feel about this matter.

W.P.

Dear W.P.,

This man is punishing you and he knows that you are a good woman.

If he did not believe in marriage, he should have declared that to you when both of you became friends. On the other hand, you were a bit careless, because you took it for granted that both of you would get married, and I suppose that's the reason why you contributed to the purchasing of the house. Whether the amount was big or small, he should give you back that money.

Your brother has given you good advice. Do not remain with this man because of the money that you used to purchase the house. Look around for a house for yourself. You have tied up yourself if the National Housing Trust was involved in this transaction. So it might not be very easy for you to get out. You would need to retain a lawyer who would help you out of this dilemma.

Even if this man would reconsider and offer to marry you, you should not accept his proposal because that proposal would not be coming from his heart; he will only be using you. So I repeat, your brother's advice should not be ignored. Take the matter to court.

Pastor