Don’t want to leave my Jamaican boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend likes to cook. I live alone, and he visits me on weekends. I am not Jamaican, but I always look forward to his cooking.

He brings most of the things that he likes to cook. He likes oxtail, and I have got to love that, too. Since living in Jamaica, I have got to enjoy curry goat, so curry goat has become one of our favourites, as well as rice and peas. This man loves food, but he has been able to maintain a flat stomach. I love him very much. He does not curse nor do some of the things that men his age do. He is not a gambler. I never wanted to date a gambler nor a man who is a heavy drinker. My boyfriend loves to mix his drink. I am not a good drinker of alcohol, but he can drink lots of stout, carrot juice and a few beers. He would have some during dinner and after spending time together. I have sent photographs of my boyfriend to my parents and the feedback has been good.

This man and I are planning to get married, but the date has not yet been fixed. He has a fantastic job and that is what I think is bothering him; he does not want to give up the job he has in Jamaica, and I have to return to my country. But he can come with me; his profession is needed in my country.

Pastor, I don't want to lose this man. I love his people. He does not talk much about himself or his background, but his parents are well-known business people. When I told a couple of my friends that I had found a Jamaican man, some of them said that he was going to live off my money. But I can tell you that this man has never asked me for money. He has never raised the matter once. What he has done is to ask me if I paid my rent, and if I needed anything from him. So I can say that not all Jamaican men live off women.

I have to return to my country by the end of August and I can't stand the thought of leaving this man behind. I wonder whether he will forget me after I leave. He is loyal to his country, and he loves his job.

N.R.

Dear N.R.,

Bob Marley said "Don't worry, about a thing, 'cause every little thing, is gonna be alright."

This man and you are educated and you love each other dearly. Whether both of you would get married and live in Jamaica or go to live in your country, the love that you have for each other would help to determine your decision. You would observe that I have not mentioned either his profession or yours. People who are trained in your type of profession are in demand. Try not to give this man the impression that you wish to control him. You have not given that impression, neither does he wish to control you.

I am glad that you can tell the world that not every Jamaican man tries to swindle money from women. Your boyfriend has been a gentleman in every way, and he has never tried to take your money or to live off you.

Pastor