Sister treating me like a helper

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and my oldest sister, who is a banker, asked my mother if she would agree for me to come and live with her in Kingston.

My sister has three children. She told my mother that I would be able to go to school in the evenings. I was glad to leave country because nothing is down there for a girl like me. My sister had a helper and three weeks after I came here, she fired her. She told her that she was not needed any more because I am here. Before the helper left, she told me everything. She said my sister was not so nice to her and she had to be on her feet from morning until night; she cleaned, cooked, and did everything. My sister was only paying her minimum wage.

Every day my sister leaves for work, she leaves a list of things for me to do. I try my best to help, but I told her that I did not know that I was coming to replace her helper. She does not like to see me talking to her husband, but he asks me if everything is going well. He told me I should not allow my sister to kill me with work because she should not have fired the helper. Part of the reason my sister fired the helper was because she believed that her husband and woman had something going.

My sister told my mother that I am lazy and all I want to do is to talk on the phone and eat and drink. I did not believe my sister would lie on me and she claims to be a Christian. One day I went to the store and I met a man who said that he likes me. He is an officer. I told him I am afraid of officers because they are too wild. We exchanged numbers and we have been talking. I am not going back to the country. This officer told me he does not have a girlfriend. I don't know if I should believe him, but I know I like him, so please tell me what to do.

J.T.

Dear J.T.,

Your sister probably felt that having you and the helper at the house would be costly.

Evidently, she did not discuss with her husband whether she would fire the helper. Clearly, from what he said to you, he was not in favour of that at all. Your sister is not wise. Now she is causing you to wonder what you should do as a young adult. You have come to love the city and city life, so you will not return to rural Jamaica. To make matters difficult for you, you have met Prince Charming. Although he is an officer and you are sceptical of him, you seem to love him.

I suggest that you take your brother-in-law into your confidence and tell him about this officer and what he said to you and how you feel about him. Ask him to give you a little guidance and to check out this officer to see whether he is living with a woman. He might not be living with a woman, but he might have girlfriends. But your brother-in-law should be able to find out something and advise you accordingly.

It is unfortunate that many people believe that all officers are bad; that is not true. There are some very honourable officers and they believe in having stable families. So don't accuse this man for being bad when you don't know anything about him. I wish you well. Whether you go with the officer or not, I hope you will try and get an education while you are living in Kingston.

Pastor