Can’t focus on my university studies

Dear Pastor,

I am a university student and I'm struggling with my studies, despite being financially supported by my parents.

I attended a prestigious high school where I excelled, earning 17 subjects total in the CAPE and CSEC exams. I was recognised as one of Jamaica's top performers in CSEC and achieved merits in CAPE. I took great pride in my academic achievements and was actively involved in school activities, holding various leadership roles.

My experience at university has been vastly different. I've lost interest in my studies and developed a strong aversion to school, which feels completely unlike me. Despite my efforts to push through and complete assignments, nothing seems to stick. It feels like I'm wasting my time. The weight of potentially disappointing my hard-working parents, who have sacrificed so much to support my education, is crushing. It's as if I've lost my sense of direction at the final stretch.

I've become increasingly isolated, foregoing social activities. Intrusive thoughts plague my mind, particularly the fear of failing publicly after being seen as the 'bright child' throughout my life, and also 'bad talk' from relatives that I won't make it past high school. The emotional toll has become unbearable, leading me to cry daily as I struggle to find my way forward. I don't know what to do because I don't have anybody to talk to. I don't want to be like this. It's not me. I can feel myself wanting to get things done, but it's like something is holding me back. I don't want to stop school. I know what I am destined for; I can feel it. I know I can do this. I know, but there is just something.

J.D.

Dear J.D.,

While I was reading your letter, I was hoping to find out why you have fallen into a state of depression.

You have not said whether it's a young man in your life who has disappointed you and has caused you to be depressed. You haven't said whether anybody raped you. Whatever disappointments you might have faced or experienced, what you have described is a person who is greatly depressed.

The good news I have for you is that with the help of God, you can turn around and begin to focus on yourself. No one is more important in life than you. Many years ago, I visited the Mandeville Hospital while I was a student at the Jamaica Bible College and a young man by the name of Michael Martinez was with me. Michael could sing very well. We had a very short meeting with the patients. Michael sang a song I will never forget. I remember a few words from it: "... wasted years, wasted years, oh, how foolish. Turn around, turn around." The words were to encourage the listeners that God is able to help anyone who was willing to embrace Christ and not continue to go in the wrong way.

I spoke for about five minutes. I gave a little sermon. We prayed and we left the hospital. Many years went by, and then I got a call from a man who said he was a patient while we were visiting. He asked, "Do you remember the man who raised his hand for prayer?" I said, "Yes, sir." He said, "Well, God saved me and I am now a pastor." He told me where he was serving in a particular country. I told him, "I thank God for you and what God has done for you." He said he would be visiting Jamaica and he would come by to see me. He visited and I had him preach at the First Baptist Church.

I said the above to encourage you and to beg of you not to give up, regardless of how you feel. I want you to lay your burdens on the Lord. Don't waste your time; you will never be able to get those years returned to you. But you can focus on the future and ask God to direct your steps. He will never let you down.

I will also say to you that if you find that your depression is unbearable, make an appointment to see a psychologist or a family counsellor very soon. I assure you of my prayers. Please write to me again.

Pastor