Getting married soon because I can’t wait for sex

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I am a regular reader of your column.

Everybody in our household reads your column. We call our father 'Dear Pastor' because he is always quoting you. I am 21 and I am hoping to get married next year. I would also like to say that I am a Christian.

My boyfriend is also a Christian and he told me that he is feeling guilty because he finds himself fantasising every day. He said he knows that it is wrong to fantasise about me.

I told him that I fantasise all the time, and I asked my godmother what I can do to stop. She asked me if I loved my boyfriend and I told her yes. She said that the only thing that is wrong about fantasising is if my thoughts are on another man. I told her no, it is always about him. She said if I had another boyfriend and I was fantasising about the both of them that would be wrong. I felt better because I am trying not to get involved with anybody.

One day, I was thinking so much about my boyfriend while reading a book, and the book says what a young woman should do as she prepares for her marriage. When I went to bed, I was thinking of what I read and about my boyfriend, and fantasising on what he was doing to me.

It was feeling so good that I had the experience of wetting up myself. I felt guilty that I could not tell anybody, except my boyfriend, what happened to me. I have only had that experience once, so we set the date for us to get married.

My mother told me that I should wait until I graduate, which is two years from now, but I cannot wait. We plan a very small wedding with just witnesses, until we are able to have a big ceremony and invite the whole church. In this way, I would not have to be fantasising about sex any more.

What do you think about what I have said?

L.H.

Dear L.H.,

I want you to know that most people fantasise. You have told your boyfriend that you fantasise about him and he said that he has done the same when he thinks about you.

Some women say that they wonder what it would be like having their first sexual experience with their men. Some women even feel dirty about it.

Some girls do not have men in their lives, but they fantasise about going with big, muscular men. These men don't know anything about them, but they fantasise and wonder how it would be having a man like that in bed.

That is why one has to be careful about what one reads, because if one reads books on sex, one may not be able to control one's self, and may fantasise deeply about what was read or seen in the books.

I said that everybody has that experience of fantasising. I am therefore not condemning you. If you feel that you have to hurry and get married, do so. The Bible says it is better for a person to get married than to burn with passion.

Pastor