Boyfriend’s brother wants to sleep with me

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope that you can give me your advice. I am living with a man but we are not married.

We have been together for two years. I was not working so he paid all the bills. He got me pregnant but it was not planned. Anyhow, we fought life together. We were three months in arrears for rent so the landlord asked us to leave. My boyfriend begged him to allow us to stay and he went to his credit union and borrowed some money and paid two months of the rent. The landlord took it but we were soon in arrears again. So we had to leave. I decided to go back to my parents. I felt ashamed because I left their house without a child and now I am going back with one because my relationship was a failure.

My boyfriend was able to explain himself to my parents so they told him that all three of us would have to stay in one room. So we packed up in a small room and the baby slept with us on the bed. My boyfriend got the chance to go on the farm work programme and he sent money home to support the baby and I. My mother was a great help and my father did not fuss. I still look forward to money from my child's father regularly. When he came back the only thing he was upset about was the amount of weight I put on. This man did not waste his money; he repaid the credit union and he opened an account for both of us.

My father is a farmer and when he came back, he did not sit around doing nothing. He went to the farm with my father and worked like a common labourer. Right now, we are not in debt and he is hoping to go back on the farm work programme. He is also hoping to send me back to school and I am working on my weight problem. We have talked about getting married but we are not ready. We would love to have four children. I don't think we can manage that many but my grandmother told me I should have my lot.

Would you believe that since my boyfriend has left Jamaica that his brother has put question to me? I did not tell my boyfriend because they are very close. So I was shocked when he suggested that I can come to his home when his girlfriend is not there and spend some time with him. You see how some of these men are wicked? I can never do that to my boyfriend. When I told him that I would tell his brother that he approached me for sex, he said his brother would not believe so I can go ahead if I want to.

I hinted to my boyfriend's mother that her other son likes me and she said I should be careful with him. He is not her son. Do you think I should tell my boyfriend that his brother is a 'dog' and wanted to go to bed with me?

D.G.

Dear D.G.,

I am glad that your parents took you in after you faced financial problems and your boyfriend was not always able to pay the rent.

It must have been embarrassing to go home with a child, but your parents were not willing to see you on the street. Your child's father did his best to support you while he was doing farm work and when he came home, he helped your father in the field. Your boyfriend is an intelligent man. He repaid the money he owed to the credit union. That's a wise man.

You described your boyfriend's brother as a 'dog'. I can understand why you describe him that way. However, follow the advice of your mother-in-law. Don't give this man a chance in your life. He is not a good man. Should you tell your child's father that his brother wants to go to bed with you? That is a decision you would have to make for yourself but I do not suggest that you do.

Pastor