Wife left me after I got her friend pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 38 and I have a girlfriend. I was married but my marriage did not work, so my wife divorced me.

She had warned me repeatedly that she would divorce me if I did not stop drinking and gambling. I kept promising her that I would stop, but I never did. Then I got involved with her best friend, who I got pregnant. I tried my best to keep it quiet, but I couldn't hide what happened from my wife.

One day I went home and saw that my wife had my suitcase packed. The house we were living in belongs to her father and we were living there for free. So my wife told me that I had to leave. I told her that I needed time. She said I can go to my girlfriend, because I got her pregnant and everybody knows that I did. I felt like a fool. That night I slept on the couch and did not go to work the following day. My brother picked me up. My wife refused to leave me at the house. I did not have much there. Everything belonged to her father, so all I had was my clothes and an old television. She told me I could take the television because it was mine. All my money was spent on living a reckless life. 'Mr Wray' and his 'Nephew' couldn't help me in my time of crisis.

I stayed at my brother's house for three months and then his wife began to complain that I was eating and drinking but not making any contribution. My gambling became worse. I started to attend church and my life changed. I called my wife and told her that I was a changed man. I begged her to take me back, but she said she could not because she did not want her father to disinherit her. My father also hated me.

I am now having a relationship with an older woman. To tell you the truth, I really don't love this woman with my whole heart. She cannot take the place of my ex-wife, but I can't do better. I know you do not believe in business marriage, but this is my way out. Do you think I will grow to love this older woman? She is 51. She was never married, but she is an American and has her own house. She told me she still pays a mortgage, but she is comfortable. I went to America and she treated me well.

Do you think I should take the risk and marry her? I told my ex-wife about it and she told me that I should go for it. What do you have to say?

T.R.

Dear T.R.,

There is a saying in Jamaica that a man should always have a place to put his woman before he puts the thing in his pants in her.

I may not have it straight, but you know what I mean. You married a woman and you didn't have any place to put her. You were living at her parents' house, but you were not behaving yourself. So when your wife demanded that you had to leave, you had no choice but to leave. In other words, you are saying that your wife kicked you out; that is woman power. A woman shouldn't have more power than a man. It is better for a man to have equal power with his wife. You had no claim over the house in which you lived.

You wasted your time and substance. Like the prodigal son, you participated in careless living. Your brother couldn't help you for long. Anyhow, I am glad that you have turned your life around and you have met an older woman who is willing to give you a chance. If you genuinely love each other, whenever she is in Jamaica, both of you should go for counselling, get married, and hope for the best.

I wish you well. Don't get married because you can get a green card; make sure both of you love each other.

Pastor