Mom accused me of sleeping with my father

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for many years and you have taught me many things.

When I started reading your column, I was a single woman and I had many problems, particularly with my mother. I knew that she did not like me. She used to tell me that she should have killed me when I was in her belly. One day, she accused me of having sex with my father. I could not believe that she would accuse me of that. I was 16 years old. As soon as my father got home, I told him what my mother said. He asked her if she really said that to me. She said she did, but she was only joking.

My father called one of his sisters and told her what my mother told me. She called my mother and asked her if she had any proof. My mother told my aunt that she doesn't have any proof, but the way my father and I behave, she suspected that something going on. She added that my father and I are closer than he is with her, so she doesn't trust me. My father asked my aunt if she would accept me at her house and he would pay her to board me. My aunt agreed.

When my mother found out that I was leaving to live with my aunt, she called my aunt and cursed her, and then she said she was not going to allow me to go. My father told me to pack my things, everything that I could manage. On the day that I was scheduled to leave, my father did not go to work. He stayed home and then drove me to my aunt's house. But while we were travelling, my father uttered under his breath that my mother and her brother had sex when they were children. He found that out when he had sex with her for the first time. She told him that she was a virgin, but he realised that she was not, and she admitted that she had sex with her brother because they used to sleep together.

I have never gone back to see my mother. Last year, I tried to call her on Mother's Day. When she realised that the call was coming from me, she hung up. My father has never put question to me. I have another sister; she is my father's child, and she is also very close to him. One day we were at Hope Gardens and I asked her if I could ask her a personal question, but she should promise not to tell my father. She promised that she would not, so I asked her whether my father had ever put any question to her. She said no, but she was shocked that I would think that way. I told her I was not, but my mother accused me of going to bed with my father.

My father is a businessman and he took my sister and I to Barbados. We had a grand time, but my mother told people that my father was only confirming that he and I are lovers, and he only took my sister with us as a cover. He never invited her on the trip and she is his wife. I hate my mother. I am now engaged to be married.

F.G.

Dear F.G.,

Your mother has a dirty mind. She should have been happy to have a husband who has a good relationship with his children.

How can she expect you to love her if she accused you of going to bed with your father? I would not be surprised if your father files for divorce. Your mother cannot control her tongue. I repeat, she has a dirty mind. What happened between her and her brother when they were children is perhaps haunting her, and she feels that all men have sexual intercourse with their daughters and siblings. Your mother doesn't have any standards.

I am glad that your aunt took you to live with her, but I hope that the day will come when you find enough grace in your heart to forgive your mother for all the things that she has said about you. Keep strong. Take good care of yourself, and write to me again.

Pastor