Uncle took my virginity

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 and married. I have a son and daughter. My husband is a very fine man. He has a brother who wants to come to the city to attend school.

His parents asked us to keep him and my husband asked me about it. I told him that I do not want him in the house, and it has caused a disagreement. My husband and I do not quarrel over anything, but I am standing firm against having his young brother live with us. I wish to explain why. I have never told my husband that it was my mother's brother who took my virginity. When my husband met me and we started dating, I told him I was sexually active. At that time, I had a boyfriend, so my husband assumed that my boyfriend took my virginity. But it was my mother's brother, and it happened just after I turned 15. I had loved this uncle very much, and my mother and I trusted him.

This uncle used to take home chicken for me, and he bought me nice things. I remember on my 15th birthday, he was going to Port Royal with his girlfriend and he asked my mother if she would send me with them, and she said, "Sure." My uncle used to whisper sexy things in my ears, and I would laugh because nobody had ever told me these things. He used to call me "sexy", secretly. He told me that out of all his nieces, I was the prettiest.

One weekend he stayed with us and I was in my bed sleeping. My parents had gone out and my uncle came on my bed and started to touch me. He pushed his hands in my panties, touched my vagina and asked me how it felt; I laughed. He asked if it felt good and I said yes. My uncle pulled my panties down and had sex with me. He begged me not to tell my parents, and I never did. He had sex with me another time. I grew up not hating him, but when I had a boyfriend, I told my uncle and he told me, "So that mean you done with me?" and I said yes.

Knowing what I went through with my uncle, I don't want my daughter to have any experience like that with a relative. My husband may read what I am writing to you and I would be glad if he does. I do not want any male living with us, because I have to protect my daughter. These days, one cannot trust anybody. My parents trusted my uncle and look what he did to me. To this very day, my mother loves her brother and speaks highly of him. But she doesn't know that he had his way with her daughter.

When I was getting married, my uncle gave me the money to pay for my reception. I asked him if he was trying to make up for what he did to me; he laughed. My reception cost nearly $1 million. I can never tell my mother what he did to me as a child.

R.E.

Dear R.E.,

It would do you no good to tell your husband, at this time, about the experience you had with your uncle.

However, you may insist that you do not want your husband's brother to stay at the house. You have a right to say no, because it is your house as much as it is your husband's. Your uncle is a filthy man, but you were naive and you trusted him. Now, you must protect your children, especially your daughter. I say no more at this time.

Pastor