Son’s friend wants to marry me

Dear Pastor,

I am a 52-year-old widow and I have a concern. I have been reading your column for many years.

My husband bought THE STAR just to read your column. I used to call him 'Dear Pastor.' At church, the young people loved him. He taught the teenagers' class in Sunday school and he would quote what you said all the time during classes. We have two children, who have done well. We sent them to traditional high schools. One attended UTech; the other got a job and did not feel that he ought to attend university.

I lost my husband in an accident and I am living alone. My boys are not living with me, but they are here every day. They live with their women, but they come by and eat. One of them introduced a man to me. This man is living in America, but he wants to settle in Jamaica. He is five years older than me. He does not look his age. He was here visiting and I took care of him. For about three days, I did not allow him to touch me, but finally I gave in. When he wanted us to make love, I told him that he had to show me the condom. He did not have any, but he told me he would pull out. I told him that I cannot get pregnant, so it is not a matter of pulling out - I have to protect myself. He said he has not gone to any woman for a long time, so he knows he is not carrying any disease. I told him there would be no lovemaking without the condoms. So, he prepared himself, and the day before he left I gave him a chance.

Since he left, I have been wondering whether I did the right thing. This man has a house in Jamaica. I don't need anything from him. My sons take good care of me and my house is fully paid for. These days I am on the phone with this man late into the night. We chat about everything, and he is anxious to marry me. I told him we should have a healthy relationship first. I told him I generally discuss everything with my boys. Sometimes we laugh when I tell them what the man told me. One of my boys even asked me an out-of-order question. He wanted to know if this man wants to live in their father's house or if he would take me to live in his own house. I do not want to leave where I am because I am very comfortable here, and the house he has in Jamaica is not in a nice area.

N.R.

Dear N.R.,

It must be a very wonderful thing for a mother to be able to communicate with her sons and to feel comfortable discussing her love life with them.

Not very long ago, a dear lady whose husband passed on told me that she has two children - one boy and one girl - and I tease her about whether she will consider getting married again. She smiled and said that her son has been encouraging her to get married whenever she finds a good man.

Some sons will not encourage their mothers to remarry. They tell their mothers that they can take care of them. I know cases like that. So often, sons are concerned that a new man might not treat their mothers well, so they prefer their mothers to remain single.

You were introduced to this man by one of your sons and he has become your special friend. Now, he is eager to marry you. I would say to you, be very careful. I wish both of you well.

Pastor