Falling for a woman with a bad past

Dear Pastor,

I have been visiting a young lady. She has two children but has broken up with their father. She had to leave from where she was living and rent a studio apartment. She has enough space to do a little cooking. However, she does not have a dining table, and neither does she have any place to entertain me.

The studio is very small, her bed can hardly fit.

She sleeps on the same bed with her children. I have stayed with her a number of times but I have to sleep on the floor. She is working and her older sister ,who also has a child, keeps her children for her while she is at work.

The children's father left her because he accused her of cheating. She said she has never cheated on him, but he left her anyway. Someone told him that she went out with his best friend while he was working in rural Jamaica. She admitted to me that she went out with his friend, but said they did not have sex. She told me that she was in need of some personal things and her boyfriend's best friend offered to help her. She could not tell her children's father the whole truth, because he would beat her. So she kept denying that she went out with him.

I have found myself in a real jam because I have only recently got a good job and I do not want to spend my money on a woman I am not sure about.

I have a child of my own to support. She lives with my mother.

The father of this woman's children is not pulling his weight. She is thinking of taking him to court for support.

I am giving this relationship time because my child's mother and I still have a relationship and I am assisting her to go to school. What do you suggest I do?

A.C.

Dear A.C.,

You already have a woman in your life and both of you have a child together. It is unwise for you to take on another young woman who has two children. It is the responsibility of that woman to take care of her children and for the father to support them. You should encourage her to take the father of these children to court for maintenance.

The second thing I want to point out to you is that you cannot be sure this young woman is telling you the truth. She should not have such a close relationship with man's friend and she should not have gone out with him. I doubt that it was just a help to take her to the supermarket. Somebody told this man that they saw her, perhaps where she should not have been with his best friend, and she has denied that nothing went like what he was told. How can you be sure that she is speaking the truth?

I suggest that you should not go further with this young woman. Stay with your child's mother. It is costly to maintain two women, and, the sooner you learn that, the better off you will be better.

Pastor