In love with a man half my age

Dear Pastor,

I am a 51-year-old woman and I am having a problem. I would like you to give me your honest opinion. I have not discussed this matter with anyone; you are the first person I am telling.

I have found myself in love with a young man who is 24 years old. He lives in the community and, whenever I needed help in my yard, or to run an errand, I asked him to do so. He is a guy who has manners. He lives with his parents and his siblings.

I am ashamed to tell you that one day I asked him how he was getting along. I realized that he doesn't have much clothes, so I bought him some pants and shirts. I also gave him money to buy two pairs of shoes. When I gave him the pants and shirts, he hugged me and kissed me and said, 'Thank you, miss'. He told me that he sometimes goes to bed hungry, so sometimes I cook and call him for dinner. His mother does not like when I call him so often. He told me that she said I would blight him and, if it is man I want, I should look for someone older. However, he keeps coming whenever I call. He told me he does not have any girlfriend.

This young man is the same age as one of my sons. I find myself loving him and I can see that the young man loves me. I have never had sex with anybody who is so young. My ex-husband was 10 years my senior. The only reason why we broke up was because he was not a responsible husband. He left me and went abroad and got involved with a white girl. He told me that marriage between us will not work and Jamaica is too hard, so he will not return. I had to fight to support my children. Now, none of them love him.

I have been fortunate to live in my parents' house. My father is a builder. He has maintained his house. My children are gone, so I am alone.

I bought a lawn mower and a weed wacker and other things that this young man can use to help himself by cutting lawns in and out of the community. He asked me to buy a van or a pick-up truck for him that he could use to do his work. We have become very close. Now, I don't have to pay anybody to do my lawn, he does everything for me. Although his mother had warned him about me, sometimes when he is finished working, he comes to my house and has a shower and he stays over with me.

This man and I have become lovers. I did not have to teach him anything. I am happy with him, but I have tried my best to hide this relationship from my children. Not even my nearest neighbour knows that this young man and I have an intimate relationship.

Do you think that it is wise for me to buy him a van or a pick-up truck? I do not know what to do. Why should I be in love with such a young guy? I am asking you, please, to give me your advice.

Y.T.

Dear Y.T.,

You are a grown woman; you are free to do whatever you want. You may make good decisions or bad decisions, but you have to live with the consequences.

Many women your age, and much older, have taken delight in going to bed with young men and have affairs with them. Many of these women have called me and have told me how the young men have abused them, but, at the same time, they love them.

Not long ago, a certain woman, whose husband died and left her in good shape financially, so to speak, got involved with a young man who was also in his 20s. She had sex with him regularly and he took charge of her and would tell her what to do. She called me because that is the part of the relationship she didn't like. I told her to run the young man, but she said she loved him, so I ended the conversation with her.

You have said that nobody knows that you are in love with this young man and both of you have an intimate relationship. Don't fool yourself; his mother knows. He is her son, and mothers generally know what their sons are doing. You may also think that your neighbours don't know, but you might be making a mistake. This guy is getting much more from you than what you are getting from him. You have already bought him what he needs to do landscaping. If you want to go further and purchase a van of pick-up truck for him, it would be totally up to you.

I wish you well, and I hope that this man will not embarrass you or abuse you after he has used you and is tired of you.

Pastor