Abused man urges others to speak out, seek help

A man who was beaten by his wife repeatedly, while also suffering verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of her relatives during six years of marriage, is imploring other men to find the courage to walk away from toxic relationships.

At age 33, Carl* considers himself a survivor of domestic violence and very fortunate to have escaped with his life and sanity.

"She is the type of person that if she talk and I don't pay her any mind, she start fire lick. I was slapped some of the times. It started out verbally and then would get physical. I was a stranger in that community and her family members lived close and as soon as the beatings started, her family would join in, especially if I tried to fight back."

"Move out, take time for yourself and seek God because if I didn't seek and know God I don't know what would have happened to me," is his appeal to other men who are being abused by their partners.

Earlier this year Head of the Public Safety and Security Branch, Assistant Commissioner of Police Gary McKenzie, said that situations like this are much more common than the public realises and he encouraged men affected by domestic violence to speak out and to report it.

Carl, who resides in Kingston, told THE WEEKEND STAR that for years he remained in the relationship with his then partner for the sake of their child but finally gained the strength to leave approximately three years ago.

"I am courting a wonderful young woman now and we are planning to get married and she is an amazing person. My wife was the one who moved out and kept coming back but three years ago I decided that I had to end it. I started searching for another partner but that wasn't working out so I chose God instead," he explained.

On several occasions when the battered man sought the intervention of the police, she would politely listen to advice from the lawmen but the peace and quiet was short-lived.

"There were times that I thought about suicide. Honestly, looking at it now, I don't know why I stayed this long," he admitted. "I was married from 2014 but the divorce is being finalised now, finally."

As that day nears, Carl is breathing a huge sigh of relief and lamenting that the issue of men being beaten and otherwise abused by their spouses has been swept under the carpet for too long, because of the shame and stigma. He is appealing to men who are victims of domestic violence to speak up and seek help before it is too late.

"I would want to be on programmes where I can talk. Just recently it was in the news where a teen girl killed her boyfriend, so abuse of men is happening right around us. I am glad I got the courage to walk away because there was nothing in the relationship for me. There was no growth, just abuse and disrespect," he said.

*name changed