I can’t ‘get it up’ any more

Dear Pastor,

I have a matter I would like to get your opinion on. I am now 51 years old and I am trying to settle down with a woman who is 40.

When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I used to run around. Sometimes I would have sex two or three times in one night with different women. I have stopped all these things and I am trying to settle down with this one woman, but I sometimes find that I cannot get an erection. At first, I thought it was just nervousness. This woman told me that I ran around so much that I don't have anything else in me. She attends church and because of her, I agreed to attend it. We would like to get married. It is very embarrassing when I try to make love to her and nothing is happening. I was never nervous to have sex. Sometimes when I see this woman naked, standing before me, and I can't do what I know I should do, I wonder whether she is right when she said everything is gone out of me.

Sometimes I do get a very strong erection but it does not last for a long time. I know that this woman will not stay with me because when I cannot function well, she keeps asking, "What's wrong with you?" My doctor told me that I am too anxious, and I don't need to be because the woman and I are living together and she is not going anywhere, so I should learn to settle down. But that is easier said than done. This woman has two children and their father died, leaving them a house. I have my own home, but she left that home and came to live with me.

Sometimes I feel so embarrassed, because I don't know what to do. I know what is happening to me does not have anything to do with my diet because I eat right and I take many herbal products. But when it comes to sex, I am having a serious problem. I am excited when I see my woman, but the performance is poor. So please give me a good advice.

B.N.

Dear B.N.,

I declare to you that at your age, you shouldn't be having difficulty in making love to a woman.

However, I know that anxiety in a man can cause serious problems. Even if there's a time when you are over-anxious, you should have overcome that situation by now. Your woman is not making it easy for you at all. She laughs at you. But I would like you to know that she is as concerned as you are. Because at her age, she would like to know that she has a man who can function well.

I hope she is not telling you that her previous partners were so good and that you are a waste of time. So I suggest that you make an appointment to see your urologist and explain everything to him, and he should be able to advise you.

You wish to get married to this woman; that is a good plan. Perish the thought of her leaving you for another man. I wish you well.

Pastor