Didn’t know my babyfather was a married man
Dear Pastor,
I am in my 40s and I have a good job. I have one daughter and this was by mistake.
Her father and I had a one-night stand. He never told me that he was married, but he knew that I always loved him and he used to tell me how much he loved me. But the way he used to behave, I could not imagine that he was married. There were even times when he asked me for financial assistance, which I gave to him. I have never borrowed any money from him.
I am the only child of my parents and I grew up in a middle-class home. My parents worked with the government. I have never taken the bus to school. It was after this man got me pregnant that I found out many things about him. My father started to ask me many questions. He could reason with me, but my mother could not. My mother cursed me and told me that I didn't have any ambition. How could I not know that this man was married? I was so deeply in love with him that even when I was angry with myself, I was angry with my mother for saying certain things about him.
It was after I became pregnant and I told this man, "Well, let us get married", he told me that he couldn't marry me. I asked him why not and he said he was already married. My father is of light complexion and when I told him that the man was married, he turned pink and started to curse. I approached my father and hugged him, and I started to cry. My father told me, "We will get through this." We have never asked the father of this child for anything. My daughter is now in university. We did not put this man's name on the child's birth certificate. That was my father's request and I agreed with him. My mother has come around and we have got closer.
Marriage is not even in my mind any more. I have had many proposals, but I turned them down. I am reading now for my PhD. Pastor, you have been an inspiration to all of us, so please keep up the good work.
L.C.
Dear L.C.,
You describe your relationship as a one-night stand. I think I know what you mean, but this was more than that.
You got involved with a wicked man, a liar, a dishonest man, and perhaps I can say you got involved with a thief. He stole your love and he deceived you. You could have got a better man, but he robbed you of that. He lied about his relationship with his wife. I can imagine how shocked and disappointed your parents were when they heard that this man was married. But I like the attitude of your father. He hugged you and assured you that the family would get through what has happened. And that has proven to be true.
Now, if a man knew that he was married and wouldn't be able to marry you, why didn't he talk the truth, and why didn't he protect you from pregnancy? He did not care. I am glad that you and your daughter are doing well. The family is happy. I wish you well. Having a PhD could bring great joy to you and your family.
Now, you take good care of yourself. My love to the family.
Pastor