Church demoting my dad because I got pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I have got myself in trouble. I am living at home, but I am working.

It is not a full-time job, but I can buy the things I need and not depend on my parents for everything. My boss has a son who is 23 and from the first time he saw me, he told me that he is interested in me. We went out a few times, but I did not expect what was to come.

I was a virgin, but on my second date with this guy, I had sex with him in the company pickup. When he asked me for sex and I told him I never had sex, he said there will always be a first. I asked him what would happen to me if he gets me pregnant; he said he would not. I told him that I am a church girl and I lead the praise and worship at my church. But he insisted that nothing would happen to me. The third time we had sex, he said he would pull out and not discharge in me. But by the time he tried, everything came down already. So now I am pregnant.

I have stopped attending church, and my mother told me the women are asking her why. She told them that I am in trouble. My father is one of the elders and the rule of that church is, if your daughter is pregnant and she is living in your house, you have to step down from the eldership of the church. They consider that if you are a good leader and are in control of your house, that shouldn't happen to your daughter.

The pastor came to see my father at the house and when I saw him, I did not go out. The pastor and my father sat on a bench, where he told my father that the church has to put him on discipline. After I have the child, I can decide whether I am coming back to the church. My father told him that he, the pastor, is a young man, so how could he instruct him on what to do. He told my father that he was not telling him not to come back to church, but according to the church rules, he has to give up his office. After the pastor left, my mother and father broke down in tears. I have never seen my father cry, but he cried on that day and told me how much I have embarrassed him.

This young man who got me pregnant told me that we can get married, but he has to prepare for it, and begged me not to let his father know. I am still at work, but nobody knows that he is the father. I would like to get married and to see my father restored to the position he held in his church. I was too stupid to believe that this man wouldn't get me pregnant.

Do you think the church should have asked my father to step down?

E.C.

Dear E.C.,

Let me answer the question you asked. The church you attended was your family church, and they have their rules.

But I will tell you that I do not know on what basis they asked your dad to give up his position as an elder. It is true that you have embarrassed him and the church, but you are an adult, and it is scriptural for you not to lead the praise and worship section or any other service of the church. But your father is not guilty of anything, so I cannot support your church in the position that they have taken against your dad. I leave that there.

The young man who got you pregnant should have known that if he had sex with you without using protection, you were likely to become pregnant. You knew that could happen, but you allowed him to have his way with you. I hope this young man will inform his father that he is responsible for your pregnancy. If both of you love each other, you should plan and get married. Soon after you are married, you should return to your church. I wish you well.

Pastor