My mouth is for eating, not sex

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for the first time. I love your programme. I don't always agree with what you or people say.

I am a young Christian woman. My husband and I got married six months ago. Sometimes I feel he is crazy, but I know he is not.

He was not a Christian, but when he met me, he became a Christian and I told him we could not have sex until we are married, and he agreed.

One night before we got married, he begged me for sex. I took off the engagement ring and told him to take it back. He asked why, and I reminded him that we would not have sex until we were married. He said that he was not marrying "puss in a bag".

I told him to drop me home. He cursed me when I was getting out of the car and told me that I will be sorry that I did not agree to have sex with him.

That was one month before the wedding. I thought the relationship was broken. At about 4 a.m. he called begging pardon, and I told him we could meet late in the day.

We met and he gave me back the ring and told me that everything will be all right. We had a lovely wedding.

DESTROY THE MARRIAGE

Now Satan wants to destroy the marriage. My husband would want sex in the morning, midday, in the afternoon and late at nights, and I cannot keep up sometimes.

We both work, but on Saturday mornings when I want to get up and wash, he holds me down in bed for more sex.

I used to have sex before I became a Christian. It was an old man that I used to have sex with, but my husband is 27 and I am 25.

The devil wants me and my husband to have oral sex and I am fighting the devil on that.

Some Christians say that nothing is wrong with it, but I believe that my mouth is for eating and not to have sex.

I feel that because my husband loves oral sex so much he is going to cheat on me.

What do you think about oral sex?

V.W.

Dear V.W.,

I am going to be frank with you. I have been a counsellor for many years. When I was doing my undergrad work, no one talked about oral sex. When I started to practise my profession, it was a hush-hush topic.

Over the years people openly speak about it. There was a time when Jamaican men said they were not 'going down'.

Now Jamaican men are so proud in talking about it. Guys tell girls how good they are in doing it.

You probably wouldn't know, but there used to be a certain group of men that used to 'bun' that. They seem to be not 'bunning' that anymore.

When you and this guy agreed to get married, you should have had counselling sessions and the matter of oral sex should have been discussed. Both of you should have discussed how you feel about oral sex.

At the moment you consider oral sex as deviant behaviour. Some people might be surprised to learn that there was a time even in the great United States of America when it was outlawed.

THEIR FAVOURITE PRACTIcE

Nowadays, it is so popular that couples hardly think it's wrong and women expect their men to engage in that sort of lovemaking, and if their men object, they consider him weird because some women consider it their favourite practice.

Counsellors have had to deal with this matter for years. Some, of course, have different opinions on it.

I have repeatedly said that I do not advocate it or condemn it.

You consider it to be satanic; I don't know what is satanic about it. I wish you had said more. I would say to you as a young Christian woman, even if you are against oral sex, learn the art of satisfying your man in many ways because lots of Christian men get turned off by their wives because religion has turned them into fools.

For example, some women think is it unchristian to do any other position than the missionary position. You do not wish to do oral sex, but I beg you, and I extend this to all other Christian women who are reading my comments today, please make sure that you learn to do things to spice up your relationship.

I further suggest that you purchase books that would help you on this matter.

Whatever couples do in their bedroom, if it is not condemning the Bible, they should be left alone, and no counsellor or preacher should condemn them.

Pastor