Don’t want to leave my boyfriend in Jamaica

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I am living with my parents and siblings. I am still attending school. I have older brothers but I have a younger sister.

She is very bright. The whole family attends church, but sometimes my parents are struggling. I celebrated my birthday last August and my boyfriend bought me a very expensive cell phone. The one I had before, that was from my father, but it got old and I was ashamed to use it in public.

My boyfriend bought me this phone and I liked it. I showed it to everybody in the house. My father did not ask me where I got it from, but my mother did and so I told her. She told me to be very careful. My boyfriend and I had sex twice but I told him that I did not want to have sex often and he promised that we would not do it until December. My period came the very day that we had planned and he was very upset about it. He said I was lying but I was not. He said I should prove to him whether I was seeing my period and, because I love him so much, I showed him that I was not lying.

Sometimes I do feel for sex but I try to control myself. My guidance teacher said that, when sex seems to be overpowering a girl, she should go into the bathroom and have a warm shower. One of the girls asked her if that is what she does because she is single, she said she did not expect the girl to ask her that question. But she said that she does that and it works.

I love my boyfriend. He gives me money all the time, I don't even have to ask him. But he is very jealous and it seems as if he is stalking me because he can tell me everywhere I have been. He is 20. One of my aunts who is living in America wants me to come and live with her. My father is encouraging me to go because that would help me and, eventually, I would be in a position to help my sister. I like my boyfriend so much that I do not think that I should leave him. I believe another girl would get him. He has been telling me not to think about that because I am a young girl and this is an opportunity that may never return.

My aunt does not have any children. She is older than my mother and she will soon retire. She wants to help me. I need the help and I want to attend college but my boyfriend is so sweet; how can I leave him? Please give me your advice. Help me to make the right decision.

K.C.

Dear K.C.,

I want to begin by telling you to be very careful. I do not know of anybody who has died from lack of sex.

I also want to tell you that it is quite normal for a girl to have sexual urges. It may also come on to her if she has had sex before. You started to have sex a couple of years ago and perhaps your boyfriend and you feel that both of you should have sex as often as possible. You should learn to say no to him.

You are still in school and you want to do well. Now there is a real possibility that you might go to America to live with your aunt. I don't want to comment much on that, but you are hesitating because you do not want to lose your boyfriend. You do not know what the future holds but I urge you to embrace the opportunity and leave Jamaica. Your boyfriend will not die; neither will you. The time may come when both of you get back together and get married and have a family. So, be super careful and don't be careless with your life.

Pastor