Babymother wants me to live in America

Dear Pastor,

I am a 61-year-old man. I have never been married. I have three brothers and they are married.

They have good relationships with their wives. I have three children with three different women, and I regret that I did not get married. One of the babymothers always wanted to marry me. The other two could not get my ring.

The son I have with this woman has done very well; he is a medical doctor. He is also a Christian and is very active in his church in America. I attended his wedding a few years ago and his mother was there. He told us as we sat together, "Daddy and Mommy, why can't you all get married?" I told him in the presence of his mother to ask her, and she responded by saying, "We never got married because your father was too wild." She was partly right.

I have a dilemma. I would like to marry her, but she does not want to return to Jamaica to live with me. I am still in a good job, and I refuse to give up my job and to live in America. I don't believe it is right for me to force her to give up her job. I am ashamed to tell you that I still buy sex, but I do want to stop and settle down with my son's mother. But I don't want to live in America. My children, especially this one I am telling you about, are always telling me to take care of my health and be careful not to embarrass myself and them.

I have my own home; it is not the best on the block, but it is very comfortable. I pay a lady to wash and clean and cook for me, and my friend and I go out and we have a good time. I used to drink and smoke, but I don't do so any more. My biggest vice is playing around with young women. I don't do it every week, but if I feel like it, I can always call a girl to spend time with me.

Counsellor, I would like to marry my son's mother, but I don't love America and she is not ready to come back to Jamaica, so what should I do?

T.W.

Dear T.W.,

Your children, especially the one who is a medical doctor, would be happy to see you get married.

Your son is a grown man and you should sit with him and tell him your dilemma. You love his mother and she loves you. You are willing to put away your running around with women to marry her, but she is not willing to return to Jamaica; at least not now. Maybe he would have some suggestions that he can give to you.

Perhaps the dear lady could come to Jamaica once a month and spend some time with you, and you probably can go up to see her once per month, too. That may be very costly, but at least both of you would be together. It might prevent you from spending your money on prostitutes.

This suggestion I am making has to be temporary. Spend some time on the phone with your lady and reason with her, and see what suggestion she can give to you. If both of you are willing to get married, both of you would have to compromise. I wish I had the answer for you, but I don't.

Pastor