I don’t want to become an old maid

Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old girl and whenever I go out men are always calling to me. My mother used to tell me that I should expect that to happen, and I should be polite. She told me that whenever guys say hello, I should respond appropriately.

She said that if they if they say good morning or good afternoon, I should say good morning, but I should not stop to talk to them. That is exactly what I have been doing to avoid any confrontation with these guys.

There have been times that I did not respond when men try to get my attention. On those occasions they curse me and even call me a lesbian. Recently, I left home to do some business for my father. He gave me money to pay my taxi fare and that is what I did. I took at taxi and after I did the business, I stopped at a store and saw an item that I needed. I purchased it and decided that I will take the bus to go home.

My father became very concerned why it was taking me so long to get home. I told him why I was delayed and he was very upset with me.

I did not know that one of my father's friends saw me on the bus and called my father because it is not something he had seen me do. My father said I did not have to purchase the item that I saw in the store and that I should have come home and he would have given me money.

I don't even know this man who saw me on the bus. But I know that he shouldn't have said anything to my father. I have a boyfriend and he is only one year older than I am. I don't take anything from him because my parents give me everything that I need. The first time my boyfriend invited me out, I told him that he would have to ask my father whether he can take me out and he said that he would not do so. He told me I am over 18, so I should be able to go wherever I want without having to ask permission. I told him that is not the way we grew up. I mentioned it to my father and my father questioned me about him and told me that I should not encourage this guy because his father has a criminal history.

I love the guy very much, but I know that my father would not lead me wrong, so I declined this young's man invitation. When I turned him down, he said I was behaving as if I am better off than others. He also said he hopes that I wouldn't become an old maid in my father's house.

I am presently attending university and I have gone on a few dates, but all these guys want is my flesh. Some of them want it from our first date. One wanted to take me to his apartment and to sleep with him the first night we went to Port Royal for fish. He said it was too early to take me home, so we sat in his car and he started to rub my legs and I observed that he was getting an erection. I told him to stop, but he continued. I threatened to open the car door and come out and that was then he realised that I was serious, so he stopped. He has tried to date me again, but I told him I will never go out with him again.

I have never had sex, but I am not saying that I wouldn't have sex when the right times comes, and when I am sure that the guys motive is not just to get me to go to bed with him.

I do not want to turn an old maid. I have two sisters and both of them are married and I admire them so much. Their husbands respect them and I would like my husband to respect me to when the time is right.

O.D

Dear O.D.,

From what you have written, you have been a privileged person. Your parents must be very proud of you. You did not grow up depending on any man to support you, or even to give you money occasionally. You were very fortunate. I could understand how disappointed your father was when he realised that you were travelling on the bus knowing that he had given you enough to take taxi to deal with the business that he asked you to do for him, and to take taxi back home. You shouldn't be annoyed with your father's friend who told him that he saw you on a bus.

Men are always trying to find good women, so it is not unusual for them to believe that all women are the same and they can always force themselves on all women. You have good moral standard. You are young and you will eventually get a good man who would love and respect you. Men are not running away, they will always be around, so take care of yourself and maintain your high standard.

Pastor