I don’t like my hypocritical mother-in-law

Dear Pastor,

I started reading your column when I was a teenager. I am 30 years old and I am still reading it. I learn something every week from reading your column.

My parents used to argue over the things that you write about. My mother used to tell my father that she is going to write to you and complain about him. One time, I heard my father said that she can go ahead because you always take the side of the women. My mother told him that you are the only man she would marry, and he told her that if you knew her, you would run.

My father used to gamble heavily, but he was a loving father; he supported us. As children, we knew that we should not take side when my father and mother had a disagreement. They will fuss and fuss, and then he would just pick her up, tell her he knows what she wanted, and take her into the bedroom.

My brother and I would just laugh because we were old enough to know what he meant.

I am still living at home, but my brother is living with his girlfriend. I have a boyfriend. I am saving my money to purchase a house. I have learnt a lot, Pastor.

My boyfriend wanted me to join with him to purchase a piece of property, but I would rather buy the land without his help.

I have a problem. I love my boyfriend, but I do not love his mother. She told her son that something must be wrong with me because I have not got pregnant, despite being together for so long. He told her that I could be a mule. I cannot love that kind of woman. Whenever she sees me she is so nice, but she stabs me behind my back. I cannot be a hypocrite; I hardly go to her house. I know nothing is wrong with me.

Whenever we are ready to get married, we would want you to officiate. Thank you so much for your advice over the years.

P.R.

Dear P.R,

I am glad that you have been reading my column for many years. You come from a balanced family. Your father says that I always take the side of women. I don't need to argue over what he said. I will tell you why.

I have developed a reputation of being a counsellor who is fair. I speak my mind, but I try to hold a balance.

I was at a seminar in Mandeville some years ago, and during the lunch break I was approached by a man. He said that when men are in the bed with women and I am on the air, the men couldn't get anything from the women until my programme ends. Evidently, he was talking from experience, but other men who heard his comment agreed. He did not say that the women were not consenting to have sex with their men; he was saying that the women put the men 'under manners' until my show came to an end.

Everyone who was present agreed.

I was at the Norman Manley International Airport one day and a gentleman hailed me. I greeted him, and he said that he was at the airport with his wife. He said both of them have been to see me. His wife was not pleased because she said I took his side, so she was upset about that.

I don't take anybody's side. When some men come to see me and we are in counselling session, they lie a lot; and when some women come, they, too, lie a lot.

People tell me that I am a good listener, so after listening, I may give my opinion or my suggestion. Often, I do not take a direct approach, but sometimes I have to do so. So those who wish to lie and not to be honest should never even call my office and try to set up an appointment.

Whenever I feel that a woman or a man is lying to me, I often refer them to another counsellor. Someone in the medical profession told me that people will always seek my help because it is known that I am fair.

I am glad that you have kept your ears open and you are wise enough not to allow your boyfriend to impregnate you; take your time. His mother should watch her tongue. I will be willing to officiate at your wedding when the time is right.

Take good care of yourself.

Pastor