Husband used my car to run around with girls

Dear Pastor,

I hope you can give me some advice. I never thought that the day would come when I would have to write to you.

I am a woman who has just turned 38. I got married three years ago. My husband is four years my junior. My first husband died in an accident. My present husband was his friend and he rallied around me, and even gave me financial assistance.

When people saw how much he was assisting me, they accused me of having a relationship with him while my husband was alive. We did not have an intimate relationship. Even his mother asked him about that when she heard the rumour. I had a little money in the credit union, so after my husband was buried, I withdrew part of the money and bought the guy a car because I was never accustomed to riding the buses.

Soon after this man got the car, he became very wild. All the girls in the community flocked him. He also became abusive to me. Suddenly he would curse me and call me old. I couldn't believe he was the same man. He became very close to a young woman who has two children and who teaches in the community. When I couldn't find him, I could always call her and ask her for him; he was always at her place.

I couldn't take it any more, so I told him to leave. He said I could not get rid of him. My brother came to the house one day and told him that he should pack his things. My brother threatened him, so he got scared and packed his belongings and went to the teacher's house.

One morning I was still in bed and I heard him outside. I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted to come in for us to talk. I told him that I did not want to talk to him. He begged me and wanted me to forgive him for his mistakes. I called my brother and he said I should not let him in. But as a soft-hearted Christian woman, I let him in and he told me how much he missed me and wanted to come home. I took him back, but I refuse to allow him to drive my car, because I suspect that is what he really wanted.

My brother took the car from me and wherever I wanted to go, he took me. People told me that the man said that my brother and I were having a relationship. So this time I packed everything that he had in the house and threw him out. My brother is an upright gentleman and a wonderful Christian. I made a mistake when I got involved with this young man. He can hardly read, but I have tried to help him. Some people believe what he said, but my heart is pure. I know he is a liar.

I have made up my mind that I do not want to see this man, and I plan not to have any other man in my life. I am planning to divorce him, but the church does not believe in divorce. I told my minister that I have had enough, and whether the church believes in divorce or not, I am going to do it. Please tell me what you believe.

G.H.

Dear G.H.,

I regret hearing that your husband died in an accident. I know that you have tried to live an upright life, but this young man gave you the impression that he was in love with you and was willing to take care of you. He fooled you. But you know, many women have been tricked like this. He saw you as someone who had a good heart and one who would take care of him. He did not know how to behave himself or how to conduct himself as a young man. But you are not a fool.

He foolishly used the car that you purchased to run around with girls, so you did the right thing by taking it away. I am glad your brother stood with you and assisted you. Even after you forgave him and took him back, he was spreading ugly rumours on you. Have nothing to do with him. He is a total idiot. Let him stay in the cold; you can do without him.

Pastor