Boyfriend wants to leave me for a Canadian woman

Dear Pastor,

I have three children and I am 25. Their father and I are not getting along any more. We used to be great friends and lovers. He went to Canada and met a girl there, and since he came back, he has been making excuses and telling me that we are not going to make it, and Jamaica is too hard. We both have jobs, but we are not making a ton load of money. However, we have been able to pay our rent and meet our bills. Our children do not go to bed hungry. Relatives also give us some help, but I don't know what has gone into my boyfriend's head. I told him that 'new broom sweep clean, but old broom knows all the corners'. He makes me feel very, very miserable. I cannot say that he has been a bad father to his children; I would be lying. But this new white girl he met in Canada has caused him to change from me.

She used to call him every day; I used to hand the phone to him because he doesn't stop me from answering his phone. Last week, she called and I asked her if my boyfriend didn't tell her that he is living with a woman and that he has children with her. She said yes he told her, but he also told her that his mind has changed from his children's mother. She added that a man can always change from a woman because a relationship is not forever. She said she is not the reason why he has changed from me. I asked this man if he is giving me up because he wants to live in Canada. He said that is a part of the reason. I asked him what would become of the children. He said he plans to leave them with me and send money for them every month. I told him that I would change their names and he would never be able to consider them as his children any more. He said that he did not consider that I am a crazy woman; his children will always be his children.

I love this man so much that even when we quarrel, we make it up before we go to bed. Since I spoke to the woman in Canada, she hasn't called back, but I am sure that she is still calling him at different times. I asked him when is she coming to marry him and he said that he doesn't know, but he would tell me. Is there any way I could stop him from marrying this woman? I have known him from I was in high school, but we did not become lovers until afterwards. We started to live together when I got pregnant with my first child. He comes from a good family. I spoke to his mother and she told me that he said the relationship with the woman in Canada is not sealed in concrete, but he loves her and he has to think about his future; and if the relationship doesn't work, he knows that he has me.

Don't you think that this man is out of order? He believes that I should just wait around and allow him to go with another woman and take him back if that relationship fails. What do you think that I should do?

N.T.

Dear N.T.,

Whatever I say to you here now is to encourage you. Do not allow this man's behaviour to cause you to go crazy.

You said that he has been a good father, and both of you have known each other for a long time. He has not been able to condemn you or accuse you of cheating on him or being a bad mother. He went to Canada and he met another woman. You didn't say he was introduced to her by his relatives or anything like that, but many times it goes like that. Relatives look out for each other. Sometimes relatives can destroy good relationships. I don't know if that is what happened here. But you ought to be happy that this man is not able to say anything bad about you, and I am sure that your relatives would assist you with those children.

You cannot prevent him from marrying another woman, but you can see to it that he supports his children even though he might be living in Canada. I believe what his mother says. He is still trying to find his way with this woman. You would be wasting your time to put up a fight. He might not admit it, but he wants to get landing status in Canada. I hope your siblings and others will stand with you, and even his mother, to assist you with the children. You have my prayers. Try to take good care of yourself.

Pastor