Thinking of leaving my boyfriend for an old flame

Dear Pastor,

From I was going to high school, I have been reading your column. I can say that I grew up reading it. I have learnt a lot from it.

I am now 28 years old and I am living with my children's father. We are not married, but he says I am wife material. I have a younger sister who got married recently and is expecting. She keeps asking me when I am going to get married. My boyfriend tells me that I should not try to hurry him, but my day will come. I met another man and he has offered to marry me, but I have not told my boyfriend about him. We have been very good friends from the time we were in school. His parents took him to America before he graduated from high school. We have always communicated. He comes from a good family. He was in the island recently and we hooked up. He told me that he still loves me. When he hugged me, I felt the love that I have had in my heart for him. It is only for me to say the word and he would be back in the island to marry me.

He told me that he has had several girlfriends in America, but he does not want to get married to somebody and regret it. I am in a good job, but I would give up my job to get married to the guy in America. I told my boyfriend that this is the last year I am giving him, so he should make up his mind. Otherwise, when January morning comes, I will be a different woman. I can't stand the foolishness any more. I have remained true to him. When the guy who is living in America came to Jamaica and wanted us to go to bed, I did not, but I hugged him and kissed him, then pushed him away. He could not understand why we couldn't go all the way. We could have gone all the way, but I did not want to be unfaithful to this man I am living with.

Do you think it is fair for a woman to be living with a man for five years and all he has to say is, I should wait on him? My patience is running out. I want to get married. He is the one who is keeping me in Jamaica. It is time for me to make a move.

S.D.

Dear S.D.,

I suggest that you tell the man with whom you are living that someone else has proposed to you and you are thinking about it. It is not good enough to say that you are giving him an ultimatum. You do not have to call the man's name, but tell him that you are more than tired of being told that you are wife material but nothing is happening. Don't tell him anything about the guy who wants to propose to you, apart from saying that he was one of your schoolmates. Don't give away too much. But I will not discourage you from getting married to the man who lives abroad. Soon you will be 30 years old and you should not allow your present boyfriend to be bouncing you around like a ball. It is either he will marry you or set you free.

Let him set the date and have both of you go to see a marriage officer.

Pastor