Boyfriend using my car like it’s his

Dear Pastor,

A couple of months ago I celebrated my 20th birthday. My father bought me a car, but my boyfriend has been borrowing it.

My father told me that the car is not for him but for me to drive to school and to work, because he didn't like to see me having a difficult time getting home from work or classes. I am a university student, but I work part-time.

My boyfriend suddenly refuses to take the bus and wants to always drive my car. My father has threatened to take back the car. He said that he did not buy the car for my boyfriend, and if my boyfriend wants a car, he should buy one for himself. My boyfriend is upset with me for not allowing him to have the car all the time. He says we are in a relationship and very soon we will be married, so whatever I have should be considered his, and vice versa.

My father is also supporting me in university. I have a brother and a sister who have graduated from university and did not have to take student loan. My father paid their tuition. They are now married and living with their spouses. My boyfriend wants us to get married before I graduate. My father told me that I can get married, but it would be without his blessing. He is asking me what is the rush in getting married. My only answer is that I love my boyfriend. This was the first man I went to bed with. I could not say that to my father, but I am trying to explain myself to you, and I want you to understand how much this relationship means to me.

I love my father dearly. If I listen to my boyfriend, I will go against my father's advice. Since my father threatened to take back the car, I have not allowed my boyfriend to drive it. My boyfriend is hardly calling me because he says I prefer to listen to my father. My sisters have already told me that they will not take my side; they would stand with daddy because he is a reasonable father.

B.G.

Dear B.G.,

I would like to encourage you to exercise common sense. You are just 20 and living at home. You are attending university and working part-time.

You have been fortunate to have a father who is in a position to buy you a car for your birthday. You need to be very happy about that. I am sure that your father was not saying that your boyfriend should not use your car at all. I am sure that what he was saying is that he should not have the car to go wherever he wants to go and behave as if he owns it. Your father is quite correct. This man is only your boyfriend. You have no claim on what he owns, and he has no claim on what you own. Both of you are not married, so when he say he has the right to whatever you have, and vice versa, he is talking nonsense.

Who licensed and insured that car? I am sure it is your father who is maintaining the car. A vehicle must be maintained. Your boyfriend is not going to do so. So if you will not listen to your father, he should demand that you hand over the keys to him forthwith. He is not unreasonable to you.

This guy is trying to say that you are an adult and your father should not control you. But take it from me, your dad is not controlling you. He is trying to tell you to use common sense; and men are not running away. If the guy wants a car to run around, he should go and purchase one and leave you with the one your father bought for you. You are not ready to get married. Put your head down into your books and do well. Don't let him tell you nonsense about getting married.

That is all I have to say to you at the moment.

Pastor