Husband doesn’t thrill me in bed

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 years old and I am married. My husband and I have two children together. When my husband and I make love, he is satisfied.

I enjoy making love with him. But I do not get any thrill out of it like some of the girls I have spoken to. They talk about the thrill of having orgasm. I do not know what that thrill is. I have a sister who I talk to about it. She says that my husband is not doing something right, and that I must learn to relax. My husband does not spend much time with me. He is always in a hurry to insert his private parts in me. It does not take him long to discharge.

Can you tell me what my husband can do to help me to orgasm? Both of us are Christians.

M.T.

Dear M.T.,

Some years ago I counselled a woman. She was educated. She had gone to university and had her degree.

She told me something I have never forgot. She said she didn't like her man to play with her body. Whenever her man needed sex, he should just say "Come, let's have sex," and that was it. I was surprised. Why would she consider that her man was just playing with her body?

Any family counsellor who is worth their salt would tell you that foreplay is very important, and it takes a woman about 30 minutes or more to be truly ready for sex. So her partner should not be in a hurry to insert his penis in her. When one looks at the Bible, it has a lot to say about sex. I would like to quote something to you from the Book of Proverbs 5:18-19 " 18: Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19: Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."

A woman should learn to satisfy her husband, and a man should delight himself with his wife. Her breast in an important part of her body and he should learn to stimulate her and to bring her to orgasm. These are not my words; these are from the Holy Bible. Think of the word 'ravish' and you should be satisfied with your husband who knows how important it is for you to be touched and to be fully satisfied in every way possible.

That thing that is called the clitoris has no other physical purpose but to excite a woman and to assist her to come to orgasm. Almighty God knows what he was doing when he created the clitoris on a woman. You have not had the pleasure of experiencing orgasm. You need to tell your husband that he should stop punishing you and learn to bring you to orgasm. It might also be necessary for both of you to see a family counsellor or a sex therapist, who might be able to counsel both of you to learn to give each other physical pleasure.

I think I have said enough on this matter for the time being.

Pastor