Husband wanted to buy underwear for my cousin

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old. I have found out that my husband is having an affair with one of my cousins.

I did not believe when it first came to my attention, but it was another family member who hinted at it and told me that I should keep my eyes open because if I don't, I may lose him. My husband and I went for a short vacation to Florida, and while he was buying things for the children, he mentioned that we should buy a couple of things for my cousin. I asked him why he would want to buy such intimate things for her - things that he often buys for me, such as underwear. He said all women wear them, so I went along with his suggestion. But I did not give them to her; I kept them for myself. He asked her whether I had given her these things and she told him no. He asked me how she reacted to the gifts and I told him that I didn't give them to her; I kept them for myself. I couldn't bear the thought that my husband was sleeping with my cousin, so I used the occasion to ask him why he would buy such intimate items for her. This time he did not answer.

I know now that my husband must be sleeping with her. She does not call me as often as before. The panties that I bought for her, I had decided to keep them for myself, but I burnt them because just looking at them caused me to get angry. His intention was not for me to have them. Pastor, this woman has a man who takes good care of her; she told me so. So why is she sleeping with my man? There is coldness between this woman and I because I did not just take her as a cousin, but as a good friend.

Do you think that I should talk to her about the relationship I was told she is having with my husband?

Y.D.

Dear Y.D.,

I believe that you should be thankful to the person who told you that you should try and protect your relationship because your family member has been in an affair with your husband.

You have handled the matter correctly. You started to observe the conduct of your husband, especially when both of you were on vacation and he took you shopping and suggested that you should buy certain things for your cousin, who is his side chick. You questioned him about why he was purchasing such items, but you didn't press the issue. So I would say you behaved like a wise woman. I really understand why you destroyed the items. Some people may say that you did not have to destroy them, because the money came from your husband and you would be the one wearing them. But I suppose you couldn't stand the thought of this man buying his side chick such items.

Your husband, however, was too bold in suggesting that you needed to buy such gifts for his girlfriend. I would not suggest that you discuss anything with your cousin about the purported relationship they have. If the matter is ever raised by her, you may talk about it at that time.

Pastor