Not sure if dad is my biological father

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about my father. He cannot read and write very well. He got into a very serious argument with another man over me.

My father drew a cutlass and threatened to chop him up. Other people who heard them had to intervene and I ran and called my mother and she told the man to leave my father alone. She said she would have had to be crazy to lie down with him. That happened when I was 13 years old and, to this day, it has affected me.

Recently, my mother and I were washing and nobody else was around. So I asked my mother whether there is the possibility that this man who my father wanted to chop up is my father. She said a woman could make mistakes in life but she is sure that she did not make a mistake when she had me. So I left the matter there. But I have been wondering whether I should do a DNA test to set my heart at ease. I believe my mother could be lying to save herself from embarrassment, because she is now very active in her church.

I love my father very much and a better man you couldn't find. But I would not want to embarrass either of them. I am planning to go abroad and I was told that I would have to do a DNA test to prove whether I am the biological daughter of my father, because, when my mother gave birth to me, she was not married to my father.

So, what am I going to do? Please give me your advice.

Initials withheld.

Dear Writer,

When your mother and you had that private talk when you were in the laundry, if there was anything to hide about your birth, she should have told you at that time.

She told you that everything was alright, she assured you of that. Therefore, I will suggest that you put the matter to rest. If the embassy officials ask you for proof of your birth, you should follow their instructions and do whatever test they require of you. You will not be willfully embarrassing your mother. She would have had enough time to set this matter straight. So, put this matter to rest.

I know you are worried because, on many occasions, we have had children who hated their biological parents because they were not told the truth. We have seen that repeatedly, but it was no fault of the children. I hope that you will not experience that. The man you call your father has been good to you and you love him. Continue to love him. I hope that you would learn to love your mother dearly also.

Pastor