Boyfriend wants me to put on weight

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I am having a problem. I have a boyfriend. He is my third boyfriend, but so far, he is the best I have had.

Whenever I talk about the other guys, he gets upset. My first boyfriend was an older man and I some of the things that he gave me every day, like my bed and my dresser. My second boyfriend did not give me anything except for a few dollars every two weeks. He was not making much, and he was still living at home and helping to support his mother. He told me that unless he gave her money, she would not leave him any food.

He caused my first boyfriend and I to break up because my first boyfriend called me one day and he was in the background talking. I tried to get him to shut up, but he kept on talking. My first boyfriend visited me and saw him at the house, and told me that he wouldn't come back. I didn't know that he was serious. When I did not see him, I called him, and he used some expletives and called me a whore. I called him again and I tried to explain myself. I was only 18. He left me.

My current boyfriend has a good job and is sending me back to school. He comes from a good family. He likes to control me. I am behaving myself because I know that I love him. I was able to save some of the money he gave me, and used the rest to buy a stove. He is a better cook than I am. I do not have children, but he has four. He supports them and he calls them every day. He said that he does not run around any more, and I can say that since we have been together, I don't see him running around. My mother loves him. She comes on Saturdays, and she helps me with the washing and cleaning, and sometimes the ironing. My boyfriend pays her $6,000. He says that it is better for him to give her that money than for her to work harder elsewhere for $5,000.

This man and I have only been together for seven months, but I wished that I had met him before. I have a younger brother, and he is taking lessons at the same school, and he helps him out with lunch money. This man can't do anything wrong; my mother is always taking up for him. He is 29. He is trying to buy a house. He works with a very good developer and the developer is going to help him to do the repairs on the house. He wants us to stop paying rent. I respect him so much. He told me that as soon as we move into the house, we can think about making a baby. But right now that is not on his mind.

I am very slim; he wants me to put on some more weight. He is always buying fatty stuff for me to eat and plenty of ice cream. He said that I am too bony, but I am beautiful. What do you think of this man?

J.R.

Dear J.R

I hope that you will settle down with this man. He is much older than you, but at your age, you shouldn't be moving from man to man.

Your first boyfriend wasn't a bad man; he was very helpful. He bought you a dresser and a bed. Some men have their women sleeping on the floor. I am not condemning you for anything that you have done. Evidently you come from a poor family, you need financial help. Nevertheless, while you were going with that first man, you shouldn't have become entangled with another man. You should have been much more careful. So this first guy did the right thing by leaving you alone. He did not think that you had much ambition and was someone who could be trusted.

Now this man with whom you are living is doing something wonderful for you. He is sending you back to school. He knows that education is the best way forward. It is a good man who would have your mother come to the house and assist you to do the house chores. This man and you are living together, so the work that your mother should be doing should be pretty light, I assume. It is a nice work to get $6,000 per day. I hope that you would encourage him to support his children and that he would keep his word and not impregnate you until you are married. I am glad he is getting a house.

He is an ambitious man, so stick with him.

Pastor