Husband taking drugs to satisfy me sexually

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am married to a man who is only 25. I have spoken to him many times about what he is doing.

We had sex a number of times before we got married and he described me as being wild in bed, which was not true. To me it was a joke. He said that he found it difficult to keep up with me. I told my husband the truth; I started to have sex when I was 17 years old. The first man I had sex with is the don of the community in which I lived. My mother knew when I started to have sex; she could not stop me from going to the don's house because the don was taking care of me. Whenever I got money from him, I passed on most of it to my mother. Most of the things I learnt about sex came by having sex with the don.

This man I married knew me from high school. He told me that he used to like me from that time. He went to live in the US, came back, married me, and moved me out of the ghetto. I was glad to leave the area. After we got married, I went to live with his parents, while he went back to the US and then filed for me.

My big problem is my husband continues to use drugs to help him perform well in bed when we are having sex. I have told him that he does not have to do that, but he continues to do so. I found some of the tablets that he hid. I threw them away, which caused a big fuss between us. I don't know what to do. Can you help me?

R.S.

Dear R.S.,

I am glad you got married. Many girls who have grown up in depressed areas, or areas that are controlled by dons, have had to do what the dons want them to do.

Sometimes their parents are aware of it, but are powerless. You are fortunate to know a man who loved you from the time you were in high school, was willing to marry you, and moved you out of the area to live with his parents while he went back to the US.

Your husband is brainwashed in believing that he should use prescription drugs to help him to satisfy you sexually. A man who is 25 years old should keep away from such drugs. He should not use them at all, unless he is suffering from severe sexual dysfunction. You might be alarmed to hear that many young men use these things to allow them to maintain an erection for a long time. I suggest that you tell your husband that you would like both of you to go and see a family counsellor or sex therapist, because what he is doing is not necessary.

I hope he will agree for both of you to seek professional help.

Pastor