Girlfriend ready to go back to her ex

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am living with my girlfriend, she is 29 and I am 40. She doesn't have children.

I would like to impregnate her, but she sees me as a waste of time. She has told me so. She even said that this relationship is not going to work, and it was a big mistake when she left her boyfriend and got involved with me. Her boyfriend goes on the farm work programme. Her big issue is not so much about money; she doesn't complain about that because I see to it that she has money for groceries and I pay all the bills. I told her that she can use her money to buy whatever she wants for herself and to help her mother.

Her mother is a sickly woman; she always has to be on pills. She has a sister and a brother who live with her mother. We are living in a home that I am still paying the mortgage for; it was built by the National Housing Trust. To get to the point, this woman told me that her past lover will soon return to Jamaica and she knows that he wants her back. So, I should not be surprised if she goes back to him when he returns. I told her that she is very ungrateful. She does not agree.

She said if I knew how to sexually satisfy her, she would not leave me, but I am not able to do so. I can tell you that I do my very best, but when we have sex and I discharge, I am exhausted and she wants more. Sometimes when I can't take the argument, I have to go down on her and allow her to be satisfied. I do not know what to do because when both of us became lovers, I promised myself that I would cease the running around and get married to this woman. But that is out of my mind now, because she has made it clear that our relationship is not going to work.

The man she was with is of her age. He doesn't have anything, apart from what he has before him. I have this house and I have my own car, but my girlfriend is putting me under stress. Sometimes I say to myself that I should tell her she can go out and look for a man. But then I tell myself I don't want to have sex with a woman who is having sex with another man.

I mentioned what she said to my father, who is 67, and he suggested that I should ask her to leave my place. The problem is, I love her. Do you think I should follow my father's advice? Please, tell me how to handle this situation.

J.B.

Dear J.B.,

I must congratulate your girlfriend for telling you how she feels. At least she has put you on your guard.

She has told you that you should not be surprised if she leaves you. You know that you have done your best for her, but I must quickly add that this relationship will not work, and your father knows what he is saying. Let me tell you what your dad is saying. There are some women who are so sexually thirsty that all they really want from a man is lots of sex. There are men who have given women money and have taken care of them, but the women still cheat on them.

As I answer this letter, I am thinking about a man who was living with a woman. Everybody in the neighbourhood knew that she was cheating. When the man she was living with found out that she was really having sex with other guys, especially her neighbour, he beat her mercilessly. She could not deny that she was having sex with the neighbour. People thought that she would leave the house, but she didn't. She stayed with the man, but continued to cheat on him. He gave her another beating, but she did not break up with her side man.

Your woman has told you to prepare to lose her if her ex wants her back. You discussed it with your father and I agree with what he told you. Ask her to leave your house now. Let her go her way. Don't fight to keep her, she is not a good woman. She is certainly not 'wife material', as we say in Jamaica. You will find another woman. Don't kill yourself over this woman.

Pastor