Young man trying to get into my bed

January 14, 2025

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old woman. I lost my husband, who was much older than me.

That man loved me, and he proved it to me by leaving his house for me. He has two daughters who are married. I thought that they would be very upset with their father for giving me the house. He also left money in my name for me to take care of his funeral. His children didn't have to pay for the casket, but they came together and took care of his wake and the church. I also paid for the burial. I miss this man so much. But now that everything is settled, I find myself loving another man.

Two years ago I met this young man, who is 25. Any time I needed a favour, he granted it to me. He is not living far from where I am. He knew my husband. Sometimes he comes by and we talk for a while. He knows some of the people who visit me, including my girlfriends. Some of them told me a long time ago that they can see that this man had his eyes on me. I told them that he was too young for me. One day he asked me if I feel lonely sometimes and I told him yes, but I am learning to cope. He said that if I feel lonely sometimes, he is only a telephone call away. Then and there, I said to him that he was too young for me.

I told him that his relatives wouldn't want him to become involved with me. He said I am wrong, and as a matter of fact, his mother suggested that he should try and become my boyfriend. I have been thinking seriously about it. I am just 10 years older than this guy. Don't you think that he wants to get into my life because he has his eyes on my house? I do not have children, but I would not want him to get what my husband left for me. I prefer to give this house to my husband's daughters if anything should happen to me.

When I first knew this young man, he had a girlfriend; now he told me that this girl and he are no longer friends. I have not been sleeping with him, but I talk to him every night before going to bed. He is a person of good character, but how can I trust such a young man? I don't know what to do.

T.R.

Dear T.R.,

I can see that you are getting closer and closer to this young man. You know that he loves you, but you are not sure of yourself.

You believe that it is risky for you to become intimate with him, and I understand your concerns. If you find yourself not interested in having him as your lover, tell him so and not give him the impression that there is hope for him to be your man. He is a young man and he sees you as a good woman. His mother suggested to him that you would make him a good wife. His mother sees you as her future daughter-in-law; but I warn you, if you don't love him, tell him so now. Keep him as a good friend, but don't allow yourself to go to bed with him.

I am glad that your deceased husband left you his house. I am also happy to know that his daughters are pleased with what their father has done. They are good girls. Always be in touch with them. I wish you well. Take care of yourself, madam. If you believe that you are falling in love with this man, both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor long before you get married.

Pastor

Other Tell Me Pastor Stories