My sister wants to leave her husband for a woman

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have been reading it for a long time and I want to say, keep up the good work.

I am writing to tell you that I am faced with a troubling problem. I grew up in a Christian home; my parents had five of us - three girls and two boys. My parents were civil servants, so they didn't make much money, but all their bills were paid. My father earned extra money by doing work on the side for companies, especially around income tax time. Both parents are now dead.

My brothers are married, and so is one of my sisters. She told me something that is bringing much distress upon me. Soon after she got married, she told me that she believed that she had made a big mistake. Later she told me the mistake she made. My sister and one of her co-workers are in love. This co-worker is a woman. She told me that the woman was always admiring her and buying her gifts. Some months ago, they went on a retreat and they shared a bed together and 'it happened' - that is how she put it. There were two beds in the room that they shared, but the woman came over to her bed and started to play with her and she responded. They had sex.

When she explained to me what the woman did, it caused my stomach to feel sick. Now she does not want to stay with her husband any more. She told him that she does not love him any more, and that her mind is changed from him. She has not told him that she has a lover who is a co-worker. I have been begging my sister to stay with her husband. She is still having sex with him, but it is not something she wants to continue to do. I asked my sister what she sees in this woman and she said I will never understand because I am not in that situation.

I would like to find out from you what I can do to help my sister to save her marriage. Her husband is a very lovely fellow, so why should she destroy her marriage by getting involved with a female co-worker?

Unnamed

Dear Writer,

The only thing I believe that you can do is to encourage your sister to stay with her husband and to end the relationship with her co-worker.

She should also pray that God will remove that desire to be with her co-worker. Prayer is a very powerful tool. Through prayers, many people have changed their lifestyles. But I must add that unless your sister wants to change, she will continue to do what she has started to do. Her co-worker will not leave her alone. She would have to tell her that she does not wish to continue to engage in lovemaking with her or to go anywhere with her.

Please do not curse your sister; she will always be your sister. Do not say anything to her husband about what she told you, unless she gives you permission to do so.

Pastor