Painful memory - Woman still struggling one year after newborn’s death

January 4 will forever be etched in Antoinette Mitchell's memory as the most devastating day of her life.

It is the day she lost her first child only two days after she gave birth. The boy, who she named Rouri, would have been one year old last Saturday.

The May Pen, Clarendon resident told THE STAR that for the entire Yuletide season, she was in sorrow, as she thinks about what her life could have been with her son.

"I feel disappointed and angry when I remember my son. It is a huge burden to bear," she said. "The experience is an extremely traumatic one that I will be in for the rest of my life, because no one forget the loss of a child."

Lack of oxygen

Rouri Amir Williams died at the May Pen Hospital due to complications linked to a lack of oxygen.

"On the autopsy report it showed that he died from multi-organ failure because during the labour process, he lacked a significant amount of oxygen and this caused the organs to fail," she said. "When he was born he was literally blue. I couldn't believe it was my baby, because I've never seen anything like that."

Mitchell, who has depressed ever since, revealed that she blames herself for Rouri's death.

"Because I was told by the nurse that it was because I didn't push hard enough. But I've had persons counselling me and help me to understand that it wasn't my fault," she said.

"It has been very difficult for my babyfather, too, because he was excited and looking forward to watch his son grow and share a bond with him," Mitchell told THE STAR. "Even though he is mourning, I have to say he has tried his best to be there for me, because only he understand the pain."

She added: "From the moment I got pregnant I knew I was having a boy, and I told everyone, because there was this connection with my child, and I felt like I knew his personality even beforehand."

The 25-year-old admitted that she's "scared" to try and get pregnant again. "It was a tragic loss, so it's hard to go again. I don't want to go back through that situation again," said Mitchell.