My grandpa likes to expose himself

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I listen to your programme, and I also read THE STAR every day. I have learnt much from your column. I have never met you, but that's one of my dreams.

I got pregnant when I was 19 and I had the baby when I was 20. It was a big mistake because I was having sex with my boyfriend for three years and he always used the condom.

One weekend, we went out and spent the time together. He did not walk with the condom, and we said that we would have sex and hope that nothing would happen.

But doing it without the condom was a new experience for both of us. It felt different, but I got pregnant and my boyfriend and I agreed to get married after I had the child.

I went to live with him and when I raised the matter of getting married, he told me I should wait. I told him I want to go back to church.

If I didn't get pregnant, nobody would have known that we were having sex. Instead of us getting married, he started to see another girl.

DISRESPECTFUL

This girl and I know each other well and she was very disrespectful to me. We ended up having a fight, and my boyfriend took her side. So I left him and went back to live with my grandfather.

My grandfather and I get along very well. There is nothing that he has he wouldn't give to me. He sleeps in his underpants or just his pyjamas. He is always exposing himself.

I tried to tell him that if he is sleeping like that, he should close the door. But, my grandfather still won't close his door or stop exposing himself to my little girl.

Now, my little girl asks me why grandpa is always exposing himself. I told her because grandpa has nothing to hide. She asked me why she and I have to hide.

I did not know that this little girl would think that way.

I told my grandpa what his granddaughter asked me. He laughed and said she would grow up and understand and I shouldn't worry about these things.

Pastor, am I making a big issue out of this? According to him, she is just a child.

V.L.

Dear V.L.,

First of all, I regret hearing that your child's father did not marry you and that he got involved with another woman. It is regrettable that you got into a fight with his girlfriend.

No man should cause two women to fight over him. You did a wise thing by moving out on him. Some girls would have found it difficult to do so, because they wouldn't have anywhere to go. Your grandfather welcomed you to his house.

Your grandfather is not accustomed to having a little child around. Therefore, he is not very careful what he wears when he is going to bed. It's a regular thing that a man sleeps in underpants.

I am sure he is not purposely exposing himself and when he is sleeping, he is not conscious of what's going on. You have told him that he should be more careful.

But telling him that is like throwing water on a duck's back. He feels that you are worried about something that is not very important.

He believes that a child is not going to think very much about seeing him naked and seeing his private parts.

Grandpa is making a big mistake. Your little girl believes that she has to learn not to expose herself. You have taught her not to do so.

You do not expose yourself to her, although you are her mother. Therefore, grandpa should cover up.

My suggestion, therefore, is that you keep grandpa's door closed. And anytime your daughter is going to his room, try to make sure that he is properly covered up.

But don't worry yourself too much about this problem.

Pastor