My mom still treats me like a child

Dear Pastor,

I am a teenager and I am having problems with my parents. I turned 18 and my mother still didn't want me to go out with my friends.

My mother tried to beat me and I made up my mind that I wouldn't allow her, so she locked me out, and I slept outside all night. In the morning when I thought she had gone to work, I went in and tried to have my shower.

I realised my mother was home. She came in and tried to attack me. I had to fight her off. She said if I am a big woman I must leave.

When I got to work, I called my boyfriend. He lives with his parents. He called my mother and tried to talk to her and she told him that she is the only woman in her house and I have to do what she says. I didn't have anywhere to go, so I went to stay with him.

When I talked to my father, he told me he would ask his girlfriend if she would allow me to stay with them; she agreed. But, Pastor, I don't want to stay with his girlfriend.

So I am living with my boyfriend and I don't like where he lives. We have to share a bathroom with another man and his girlfriend.

My father came to see where I am living and he agreed to give me $10,000 to help me if my boyfriend would move from there.

My boyfriend can only afford $10,000, and with $10,000 from my father, that makes it $20,000. I had never seen my father cry, but that day when he came to see me, he cried.

He said he can't talk to my mother. But I will not go back to my mother. I am not taking any more beating from her. I never had sex until I was forced to go and stay with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend treats me well. I want to do nursing. I promised myself that I will not allow my boyfriend to get me pregnant. I didn't want to live with a man at this age.

My mother knows that I am not a bad girl. She was just showing off to let the neighbours know that she can still control me. My mother got pregnant with me when she was 17, so how come she doesn't want me to go out and I am 18?

Do you think an 18-year-old girl should get beating from her mother?

W.R.

Dear W.R.,

Your mother needs to understand that she was wrong. She should know that she shouldn't try to beat you at your age. In fact, you passed the age of getting spanked many years ago.

A child can be corrected without spanking. Some people believe that beating a child would straighten them out. But whether or not that is true, you are not a child.

At 18, you can run your own home. So, your mother is totally wrong by trying to beat you. What she was doing unconsciously was to build up animosity between the both of you.

Perhaps your mother would never believe that you never had sex until she told you to leave and you went to stay with your boyfriend.

So often, parents believe that when their daughters go out with guys on dates, they are having sex. Why would your mother object to your going out at your age?

NO TRUST

I could answer my own question. She believes that you were going to have sex. She doesn't trust you. And you were quite correct by objecting to her restriction.

Now she has driven you straight into the arms of a man, and your father is unable to assist you.

I wish your mother would come to her senses and invite you back home. If she would do so, she would have to assure you that she will not attempt to stand in your way, and she would have to assure you that as an adult, you would be free to go out with your friends unhindered.

Maybe your father should try again to talk to her. You are her daughter and she might be missing you. She allowed ignorance to get in the way.

Whatever she might have been protecting you from has gone through the gate already. If she is willing to accept you, go home and make it up to mama.

That would be better than to live with a man under a condition you are not accustomed to.

Pastor