In love with my daughter's boyfriend

Dear Pastor

I am 42 and I am a professional. I have one daughter. I had her when I was 19. She is doing very well. She is not only my daughter, but she is my friend. I can say that she is very obedient.

When her father got me pregnant I was so naOve. I didn't know much about men and relationships on a whole. I grew up with a very dominant father, and my mother was very submissive.

When my father would get upset and raise his voice, my mother wouldn't say a word. She was so quiet.

The very first time I went out and had sex I got pregnant. The guy told me since I was young and fresh I wouldn't get pregnant. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes.

When I should have gone home, I went with him to his house, and I called my parents from his house and lied to them.

My mother asked where I was and I told her I was at a friend's house. She said I should try and get home before my daddy comes, and I told her yes.

I was in pain but I had to pretend that everything was all right. My mother never suspected that I was in pain.

When I became aware that I was pregnant, I hated the guy. And even today I don't talk much to him. I love my daughter but this guy fooled me.

Now, Pastor, the problem I am having is that my daughter has brought a man home. She introduced him to me and I like him. I cannot believe that this is happening to me.

I find myself thinking about him, but not in a good way. I have heard that women have gone to bed with their cousins and in-laws, and I always condemn these women and call them worthless and nasty.

But here I am, at my age, loving a man who is my daughter's boyfriend.

AM I CRAZY?

He has never put question to me. The most he has done was to greet me with a hug. He told me that I look nice but nothing more. The young man is 30.

I asked myself, "Am I crazy?" I know I am not crazy. The last time I had sex was three years ago with the husband of a friend of mine. I am very choosy.

How can I tell my daughter how I feel about her boyfriend? I would prefer not to see him come to the house. But whenever he comes here, I become like a spoiled teenager.

I go into my room and I don't leave until he tells me he's going. My daughter asks why I lock myself away. I tell her to give them privacy.

It's more than that, Pastor, I can't stand to see them alone.

My daughter doesn't suspect that I am in love with her boyfriend, neither does he. Please tell me what to do. I need this man.

L.R.

Dear L.R.,

Are you for real? Why would you want to have an intimate relationship with your daughter's boyfriend?

Your daughter and you are very close. You said that she is your friend. You should be happy that she brought home and introduced to you a good guy who you consider to be special.

Why can't you just love him as a son-in-law and hope and pray that the relationship that your daughter is having with him will grow and eventually they would get married? Why would you want to go further with him?

I hate to think of you as a bad woman, but that is what you are saying about yourself. You have declared that the last time you had sexual intercourse was three years ago, and that your partner was the husband of your friend.

Do better than that. I think what you are trying to tell me is that you need psychological help.

You should make an appointment and go and see a psychologist. It has to be someone you really trust.

I am restraining myself. I don't want to say anything that would give the impression that I am condemning you.

But listen, if you need a man, going after your daughter's boyfriend is the wrong way to do it.

If you continue to show interest in your daughter's boyfriend, she will find out. She knows you well and she will hate you forever.

Whenever this guy comes to the house to visit your daughter, don't have any private conversations with him.

But, I repeat, make an appointment to see a psychologist.

Pastor