Boyfriend’s family doesn’t like Jamaicans

Dear Pastor,

I am in my mid-20s and I have been dating a man who is in his early 30s.

I must admit that I am deeply in love with this man, and I can see that he loves me, too. I am still living at home with my parents. I am at home because I am trying to save some money to purchase my own home. My parents would like me to stay here until I get married. I have one brother; he is married and living with his wife. He has one daughter and he visits us almost every day. We are a very close family. I get along very well with my sister-in-law. Sometimes when she comes to the house, you would think that my mother is her sister. She helps her to cook and to do everything. It is my mother who taught her to bake.

Now back to my boyfriend - he is from one of the islands. He plans to return to his homeland and he wants to take me with him, but I do not want to leave Jamaica. I visited his homeland, but I did not enjoy the visit. The people were not friendly. He said that they did not consider me very friendly. I tried my best to be friendly, but while I was there, they were talking negative things about Jamaica and I was very upset. My boyfriend did not help me to defend my homeland. How can I go to live in a country where the people do not like Jamaica?

I still love my boyfriend. His parents and siblings were very nice to me. But I do not like the attitude of the people on the island. I am very serious. I know I am breaking my boyfriend's heart, but I told him that he should find another girl. I have not started to look around for another man. I want him to find another girl first before I finally walk away from him and tell him not to come back to see me.

S.A.

Dear S.A.,

What I understand from you is that you love your boyfriend, but you do not love the island from which he hails. Perhaps if you were to spend more time there, you would be adjusted to the place and you would get to know the people. You might change your attitude towards them. I can tell you that many people see Jamaica as a very violent society and they judge every Jamaican as being violent, until they get to know them.

Many years ago, I was the guest of honour at a function in Washington, DC. At the function, I met a young lady who told me that her fiance was from the Caribbean, and it took her a long time to love him because she hated all Caribbean people. So I am trying to suggest that if you truly love your boyfriend, you should give the relationship more time. This man has not ill-treated you. Perhaps those who were being negative about Jamaica did not even realise how much they hurt you. Consider them ignorant or uninformed. Stay with your boyfriend.

Pastor