Mom says no to dark-skinned girls - ... happy girlfriend is half-Indian

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old man and I have a girlfriend. I am of very dark complexion and I have always wanted a 'browning'.

My mother is always encouraging me to look for a girl who has brown complexion. I have always had black girls and every black girl I took home, my mother did not like. But recently, I met a girl who is half-Indian and she is brown. When my mother met her, my mother kissed her and played with her hair and told her she is happy that she is with me.

This girl and I were able to sleep at my mother's house, something she did not entertain with the other girls. I feel very proud of my girlfriend. However, I am having a problem and I hope that you can help me.

My girlfriend and I had a dispute because early one morning I woke up and I asked her for sex and she agreed. She fell asleep just after she told me I should get the condoms, which I did not use. She was not fully awake until I discharged. She asked me why I did not use the condom and I told her I pulled out. It is true that I pulled out, but now she is telling me that she has missed her period, and I am really worried.

I am not fooling her, but she thinks that I am not telling her the truth. I really pulled out. She is really pregnant; the doctor confirmed that she is.

I told my mother that my girlfriend has missed her period. My mother said I should not fret over that, she would help me and the girl take care of the baby.

Do you think this girl is fooling me because another man may have got her pregnant?

I was not ready to be married, but this girl says that in her family, if a female becomes pregnant, they expect her to get married immediately. My mother says that I should wait and see if the child resembles me before promising to marry her.

E.

Dear E.,

It is unlikely that this young woman is trying to trick you by telling you that she is pregnant. You always wanted to have a girl who is of light complexion. Your mother drove that into your head. She wanted the family to have somebody who is of light complexion. She even allowed you to sleep with your girlfriend in her house, and that was something she did not tolerate with the other girls, who you say were black.

You were sexually aroused one early morning while your girlfriend was still sleeping. You woke up the girl and she allowed you to remove her clothes, but she was conscious enough to remind you to use the condom, but you assured her that you would withdraw from her vagina when you felt that you were about to ejaculate.

What you fail to understand is that it is not always possible for a man to have such control over sex. Many women have become pregnant by men who were unable to withdraw, and that is what happened to you. In the heat of the sexual excitement, you were unable to withdraw. But even if you were able to withdraw, sperms could have escaped from the penis long before you actually ejaculate. Some people call that ejaculation pre-ejaculatory fluid (pre-cum). So stop wondering whether this woman is fooling you as to whether you are indeed responsible for getting her pregnant.

You should give her a big hug and assure her that regardless of what happens, you would stand by her during her pregnancy. And please, don't give your mother the feeling that you might not be the father of the child that this girl is carrying.

Pastor