Upset with my dumb ex-boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 17-year-old girl and it is the first time I am writing to you. I read your column frequently, and I learn a lot from it.

A few months ago, I met a guy and we became friends. He was not my first boyfriend. My first boyfriend told me he did not have anybody in his life, but I found out that he had a girl, so I told him it is either he leaves this girl or I would leave him. He said he could not leave her because she told him she is pregnant, as she has missed her period.

When I asked him why he did not use protection, he said that the girl didn't like him using the condom. He also said that she was told that she could douche herself and that would wash away the sperm and prevent her from getting pregnant. He said she douched, as promised, but was baffled when she said she got pregnant.

I got upset and walked away from him, and told him that I regret knowing him. It was a very hard decision to break up with him, because I only wanted to have one man in my life.

My mother saw me crying and suspected that something was wrong. She asked me what was the matter and I said nothing. She told me that she is my mother and I was in her womb for nine months until she gave birth, so she must know if something was wrong with me. I still did not admit that something was wrong. But every time I think about what this guy did, I got upset.

I did not want to hear any more from him, especially when he told me that the girl is pregnant. I am still going to school. I do not want to get pregnant. My present boyfriend is 23 years old and he takes care of me.

I am living with my mother and grandparents. My mother is a hard worker but I need help, so my boyfriend does his share in helping me. I am not a bad girl. I want to become a medical doctor, so I am studying very hard to pass my exams. I know that I will do well.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

I am glad that you have broken off the relationship you were having with your first boyfriend. He behaved as a fool. Perhaps I should say he was uninformed to believe that he could have sex with a girl and encourage her to douche to prevent her getting pregnant.

There is no way that a woman can have sex and try to wash away the sperms by douching. During sexual intercourse, whenever a man ejaculates, it does not take long for the sperm to reach the egg and start to fertilise. Therefore, no douching can prevent pregnancy.

Concerning your present relationship with this older man, I doubt that he would give you the assistance that you want without going to bed with you. You say that he is a good man and he has been helping you. You have a lofty goal of becoming a medical doctor. Keep that before you; focus on that.

Your mother is trying. You do not want her to be disappointed in you. Be strong and be wise, and try your best to be careful.

Pastor