Husband showing his true colours

Dear Pastor,

I am a 32-year-old woman who lives in the United States of America. I am a nurse. I met a guy in Jamaica who is 25 years old. We got married shortly after we met. He did not force me to get married to him.

I was in a church, and I felt the need to get married before my pastor found out about us. I fell in love with his charisma and his humility. He is a police officer. I travelled a lot last year; almost every month, to spend time with him.

At first he was very nice and humble, but after a time he started to become a new person. It is almost a year now since we got married and I'm starting to see his true colours. He is very disrespectful when it comes to talking to me. Every little problem causes him to become very upset, and it seems as if the communication between us no longer matters.

I am currently pregnant.

He wanted a child from me, but he doesn't know how to treat me well or talk to me with respect. This is my third child, but it is the first for him. His mother is a wonderful person. She listens to me and she is always encouraging me to pray that God may change him.

A couple weeks after we got married, I went into his phone and saw that his ex-girlfriend was asking him when I am going to leave Jamaica, and he told her tomorrow. Since then I can't trust him, and I do not see him as the same. I love my husband and want this relationship to work, but I refuse to accept his disrespect and his verbal abuse.

His ex-girlfriend is always posting past videos of them together on social media. She covers up his face, so most times I'm not sure if it is him. She is always writing and sending a message, as if he is using me just because he wants to have a better life.

God bless you pastor, have a great night.

SM

Dear S.M.,

You did not get to know this man very well before both of you got married. This man charmed you, and you fell in love because of his physique and his handsomeness.

You could not stay away from him and that is why you visited Jamaica about once every month. However, you have come to believe now that his ex-girlfriend is always in his life. The relationship was never truly severed, and this woman taunts you by posting pictures of the both of them.

It seems to me that he does not care whether you want to leave him. Perhaps this woman you describe as his ex is correct. The relationship between the both of you could be described as a business relationship so that he would get a permanent residency status in the United States of America.

Frankly, I am sorry to hear that you are being used. I am sure if it were possible for me to hear his side of the story, he would call you miserable and that he is not guilty of doing anything wrong. It is unfortunate that he has not been treating you well. You agreed to get pregnant, and now that you need much love from him, you are not getting that at all.

I am glad that your mother-in-law is trying to encourage you. She told you to continue to pray that God will change him, and that is a very good advice.

Whenever it is possible, ask this man to make an appointment for both of you to meet with a family counsellor. Whether or not he agrees, please don't worry about him, but continue to be a good wife. My prayers are with you.

Please do not have anything to say to his ex-girlfriend that would make your husband very angry. You are his wife; conduct yourself as his wife, and not a careless girlfriend.

God bless you.

Pastor