Girlfriend cheated on me with dunce guy

Dear Pastor,

I am a 31-year-old man and I know I shouldn't be writing to you to ask for advice, but I respect your opinion and I find it difficult to tell this young woman that I am no more interested in the relationship that we are having.

Sir, we have been going for five years and I have not been perfect. I have cheated on her a few times and she has found out. She asked me about it and I decided that I will come clean, so I told her the truth.

I thought that would have been enough for her to break up with me, but instead, she got closer to me. To make matters worse, she admitted that she cheated on me twice. I have found it very difficult to deal with what she told me because I thought that I had a perfect relationship and the cheating was only on my part.

It hurts to know that she cheated because I know the guy with whom she cheated on me. He is not the brightest fellow. Frankly, he is not educated. I asked her why she couldn't cheat on me with a brighter fellow. She said the first time it did not feel that that was something she should have done, but I have neglected her for about two months and she wanted company, and she called this guy and he picked her up. She promised that she would not do it again, but she did it two other times.

I told her that we will have to go our separate ways. However, she insisted that she is not leaving and told me that she has forgiven me. I questioned why I am not willing to forgive her. I told her that this man is going to laugh at me every time he sees me with her. I cannot continue with this woman, but she is holding on to me tighter than before.

Apart from her cheating way, I have nothing else against her. She likes my two children. She doesn't have any of her own. She said for the three times she had sex with this guy, he used protection. One night we were sleeping together and she tried to arouse me and I woke up. However, no matter what she did to me again, I could not get an erection. She said I hate her, but I don't, I just resent her. I want to be left alone. I told her that she is now going to cause me to hate all women. Why did she have to do that to me?

Please for your advice.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

You asked the question why this woman had to do that to you. The truth is you should ask yourself the question 'Why did you have to cheat on her?'.

Why is it that men seem to take great pride in cheating on their women and when the women cheat on the men, they seem not to be able to do well with it? Some beat up their women and curse them, and if they were living together they will tell them to come out of their house and they call them dirty names.

You said you came to the place where you wanted to leave your woman, so you told her that you have cheated. By confessing your transgressions she used the opportunity to inform you that she cheated on you. This woman had the courage and perhaps maturity to deal with your cheating behaviour, but you are not willing to forgive her.

I cannot tell you that you should take back this woman in your life because it seems to me that you will never be happy with her. Nevertheless, you have admitted that she is a wonderful human being. So don't throw her away because another woman might do you greater harm in the future. Perhaps this woman and you should agree to sit with a family counsellor and try to work out your problems.

I wish both of you well.

Pastor