Already planning for my spouse’s funeral

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and I am living with a man who is 50. Whenever I try to talk to him about saving money, he says that what he is making is just enough for both of us to pay our bills and enjoy life.

He has two children who are on their own. I have one daughter who is living with us. She is in college. They get along very well and recently he became ill. I had a difficult time to pay the doctor bills and to fill the prescription.

When I first met him, he had many girls, but he dropped them. He still likes to drink and go out with his friends. I don't stop him, but I want him to save because when he became ill, I was wondering how I would manage to take care of his funeral. He does not even have $100,000 put away. He and his relatives are not close. He has two brothers and one sister and they don't communicate often. When he was in the hospital, only one of his brothers visited him.

After he left the hospital and was at home recuperating, I convinced him to make a will and he did. He willed the house to me and told me that nobody will be able to move me from the house. Many people who saved have never bought a piece of land nor built a house, so I should be happy.

The only problem I am having with the will is that the executor is the brother who visited him in hospital. I tried to tell him that he shouldn't put any of his relatives as executor, but he said he knows what he was doing. He bought the piece of land from an old lady he used to assist. She was living alone and he used to visit her and give her a helping hand. So he bought the land and built a three-bedroom house. He is a builder by trade. We are very comfortable. My daughter has her own room, and there is always an empty room. His children are free to stay for any amount of time. We are not in debt, but we don't have any money saved.

My daughter's father didn't treat me well, so I had to leave him. This man treated me better, and I learnt to deal with his many girlfriends. But the kind of sickness he has now, anything can happen. I have one of his suits cleaned and put away carefully. His sons know that they should keep close to him. He said he does not like to hear me talk about death, but I have to. I have even checked a funeral parlour to find out how much a burial will cost. I can't let him know that I contacted a funeral parlour. I think everybody should put away something for their funeral while they are strong and working.

D.C.

Dear D.C.,

Some people do not believe that it is necessary to put away a little money for what is commonly called a 'rainy day', but it is a biblical principle for one to learn to pay bills on time and to save some money.

I am sure you have heard that it is not how much one earns that is important but what one saves. I have often said Jamaican woman are the greatest economists. I cannot prove that, but it is amazing how they are not earning a large sum of money but can 'pinch' and save some of what they earn or what their husbands give them.

Your husband has been very careless. He has lived recklessly, but he was able to purchase land and to build a house. It is unfortunate that he is not very close to his relatives. Sometimes it is the women who have been able to save a little from what the men have given them, and in times of crisis, to take shame out of the men's eyes.

I am glad that this man has made a will. You don't have to be worried about his choice of executor. Make sure you get a copy of the will and keep it in a safe place. Perhaps you could ask a lawyer to look at the will to see if it is properly written. You have contacted a funeral parlour and have got advice about the cost for a burial. I do not see anything wrong with that, but you should be careful not to give any impression to this man that you expect him to die soon. He might not want to hear that.

Pastor