Scared my uptown boyfriends will visit me in the ghetto

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have two boyfriends. I like them both, but I am very nervous because I am a ghetto girl and these guys come from uptown.

One of them is 22 years old. He came into my area and was trying to find me, and the guys in my area told him that nobody with that name lives at the address; but they were lying. He called my number, but I had turned off my phone so I did not get the call. I like this guy very much.

The other guy has never been to where I live. He has taken me out. He told his mother about me and she has warned him to be careful. His favourite spot for us to go is Devon House. He likes when we watch roots plays, and he likes me to be properly dressed. He introduced me to one of his sisters. She is nice, but she doesn't say much. She calls me sometimes. She is studying to be a lawyer. My boyfriend says that he wants to be a lawyer, too. I don't know what I should do about these two guys. I like the both of them. Please give me your advice.

P.W.

Dear P.W.,

Residents in some communities protect each other and if a stranger goes into the area and enquires about a person who lives there, the residents may not divulge any information. In fact, they may say that no one lives in the area by that name.

Some years ago, I employed a young man to work for me. He was a very good worker. But something happened and I needed to find him. So another worker and I went in search of him. I had the address that he had given me. We walked throughout the community asking for this young man, and everyone said that they didn't know him. They spoke to me with straight faces. We were convinced that they were speaking the truth. We described him, but nobody knew him.

A few days later, the young man showed up to work. I asked, "What happened? We were looking for you, we went to the address you gave to us, but nobody knew you." He smiled and said, "No sir, I lived down there." I asked, "Then how come nobody knew you?" and he said, "They will say so, sir." He told me that is how the community works. They didn't know me, so they were not prepared to give me any information about anybody in the community.

That is why officers of the law cannot get information on wrongdoers. I had another experience. A young woman who attended my church (the First Baptist Church) was living in a volatile area and I had to visit her. When I drove into the community, it was quiet; hardly anybody on the road. I parked in an open lot and by the time I could get out of my car, I was surrounded by men on bicycles. The mother of the young woman ran and shouted out to the men, "Is my people, is my people." And the men said "Oh, you see, sir, we are here to protect our community." I thank the dear lady for saving my life.

You are a ghetto girl, as you described yourself, so learn how to protect the men who are interested in you. It is not wise to have them visit you in your area until they are properly introduced to the men in the community. They will have a big say in who you date. It may not sound fair to some readers, but that is how ghetto people operate, and I hope you understand. I hope very soon that you would settle on one of the guys, but don't be in a hurry to do so.

Pastor