A vibrator is now my husband

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am a regular reader of your column. I have been reading it from I was in high school.

I am married and I have two children. My husband is interested in us having another child, but I am not yet ready for that. My husband works with the government and travels frequently. It is very hard for me to live without him. I especially miss him in bed, so for that reason, my two children sleep with me on the big master bed. Whenever I feel for sex I masturbate.

I don't see my husband returning to Jamaica permanently for the next three years, so it is so hard for me to be alone. I have never got involved with another man. My husband came home last year and before coming, he asked me what I wanted him to bring and I told him a vibrator.

He was astonished by my request, but he bought me one.

A friend came by to see me and I showed her my toy. She wanted to borrow it, but I told her no because it is my closest friend and I will not be sharing it with anyone. She said I was too selfish. I told my husband that this girl wanted to borrow my toy that I described as my husband. He told me, "Please do not let her touch it."

Some people say it is wrong to masturbate, but I can tell you that I used to do it before I got married, then I stopped; and since my husband is always away I have had to go back to using it. Is there anything wrong in a woman using sex toys?

To me it is fun, and I have been able to come to orgasm many times in one night without worrying myself about my husband. What do you have to say about this out of order letter?

A.T.,

Dear A.T.,

Let me begin by answering the question that you asked, whether or not it is wrong for you to masturbate. Long before I started to write this column, people have asked me this question and I have tried my best to answer because of the religious background of people.

This question will always arise. Preachers have loudly preached about it from their pulpit. One counsellor told me that one Sunday morning, the preacher, from the pulpit, attacked young, single women. He told them that many young girls are saying that they don't have sex, but they are having it with themselves. I could not believe that that was said from the pulpit, but it was.

I think these preachers do not have anything to say that would edify the congregation. So they talk nonsense from the pulpit.

Young woman, it is not for me to condemn you or your husband about what both of you do. You have found that it is helpful for you to masturbate, so it would be wrong for me to condemn you. Masturbation is not mentioned in the Bible. There are some counsellors /psychologists who have condemned it, while others have not.

Concerning your friend who wanted to borrow your vibrator, I would discourage you from lending that out. That is a very personal item. That should be kept in a very private place and should only be used by you or when your husband is around. Some husbands have learnt to use the vibrator during intimate times with their wives. I think I have said enough on this matter. Take care of your children and yourself. Bye bye.

Pastor