Boyfriend wants to have a ‘trial marriage’

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and a half years old and I have been dating a man for more than a year. He is 25 years old.

He has been good to me. We don't live together, but we spend most weekends together. We have talked about getting married, but he said that many people get married and break up, and he does not want to divorce me after we are married. So he has put a suggestion to me. He is suggesting that we can live together before marriage and after two years, if we enjoy living together, we can consider getting married. This will be like a trial marriage; if we are not getting along, then we will go our separate ways.

I don't like the idea. This man was living with a woman for six months. When I met him, he told me that he had a girlfriend but they are not getting along. I did not know that they were actually living together. He found every fault in this woman. I am afraid that he would find similar faults with me. At present, he lives with his mother and sister. They take care of his laundry, and on weekends when he is with me, we cook together and do our thing. If we were living together, I would have to play the role of a wife every day. I am not yet prepared to do so.

I have girlfriends who are living with guys and they say that the men demand so much of them. One of the guys is never home. He loves football, so he leaves early on Saturday mornings and she has to do the house chores, wash and cook until he gets home. So she does not like the trial marriage. She is not even willing to marry this guy at all. The other guy who lives with my other friend does not pressure her, but is not very helpful either.

What do you think about living with a man to try it out? Do you think it would help? My boyfriend and I don't share bills because we are not living together. I pay my own bills. He gives me money occasionally if I ask him for some to go to the hairdresser or to do my nails. But I pay my own rent and everything. We buy groceries for the house whenever he is going to be here for the weekend. He goes with me to the supermarket and whenever we cook, I save enough food for a couple of days. I am looking forward to hearing from you very soon.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

I would not encourage you to move in with this man and for both of you to experiment in trial marriage.

If this man wants you to become his wife, both of you should arrange to see a counsellor and to attend premarital counselling and follow the suggestions of the counsellor. Then together, both of you should plan your wedding. There is no advantage in trail marriage. So tell this man you are not interested at all.

Pastor