Torn between faith and sexual desire

Dear Pastor,

I am a 17-year-old female and I have written to you before about school, but I am having other struggles. I want to be a Christian, but I don't know how. I always want to read my Bible, but I often put it off saying, 'I will give my life to the Lord later after I have lived my life.'

I feel I haven't lived life as yet, I don't do things kids my age do. I have never had any romantic experiences, never got high or drunk, or anything worth remembering. I have just been inside my house my whole life.

To be fair, men have asked me for my number, but they are always way older than me, and I don't like dating adults while I am a minor. I drank alcohol and I have smoked before, but to my knowledge, have never felt anything afterwards. A part of me doesn't care that my life is boring, but another part of me doesn't want my life to be boring, due to the fact that all my friends have had sexual thoughts since they were young. I have also had sexual thoughts since I was a younger, and I am wondering if pleasuring myself is a sin. It is better to pleasure myself than to have premarital sex with a man. However, I don't really plan to wait until I am married. If I have my partner and he wants us to have sex, I would do so. If he wants us to wait, then I will wait; but if he wants sex, I will gladly give it to him. I would like to get married by the age of 30.

How can I deal with my sexual thoughts? And how can I become a good Christian? I don't have a pastor or anyone to talk to about my problems. Is it okay if I have sex before marriage, and then marry the person with whom I had sex?

K.M

Dear K.M.,

I want you to know that what you have written to me about is what many teenagers go through. Psychologist has different names for it. What I am saying is it is not abnormal for a girl your age and younger to struggle with the thought of sex. Some girls, when they become 13 and 14, find it difficult to control themselves. It is as if their mind is running away, and that is why it is important for parents, especially mothers, to have frank discussion with their daughters.

A confused mother came to me and said her 14-year-old daughter asked her to purchase the condom for her because she wants to have sex. The mother did exactly what her daughter requested because, she said, she didn't want her to begin to have sex and get pregnant. She went on to say, "I would blame myself because I know that becoming pregnant could be avoided."

When you say you have not yet lived your life, I presumed that you are trying to say you have not yet had a fling, you have not yet attended parties and dancing up a storm, so to speak, and you have not yet engaged in sex. You drank a little alcohol and you tried smoking, but it is not out of control. You see, the world think that that is having a good life. But so many young women who have tried that way of life have regretted doing so. Some men have convinced girls that they ought to go out regularly and learn to dance, and drink and take illicit drugs.

I congratulate you because you realised that as a minor, you should not allow much older men to entice you. I want to repeat that it is not wrong to have sexual thoughts; everyone has to face that in life. But one has to learn how to control oneself. I believe (I could be wrong) that when you asked if it is a sin to pleasure yourself, you are referring to masturbation.

Masturbation is often refer to as self-pleasure. I have often said that the Bible is silent about masturbation, and I am not prepared to condemn anyone who engages in the practice.

You are 17 years old, try your very best not to allow any man to fool you and to convince you of having sex with him. Remember that it is not wise to think that the man with whom you had sex will marry you, he might not. So I cannot encourage you to allow men to use you, because they may just have sex with you and walk away.

I have observed that you want to be a Christian. I would encourage you to read the Gospel of John. Jesus told Nicodemus that for him to be a Christian, he must be born again. Read the first four chapters of John many times. See what Jesus told Nicodemus and what Jesus told the woman who met him at the well. Ask God to come into your life and save you.

If you need further help, write me again, and give me a call at (876)877-1009 or (876)929-1667.

Pastor