Mother-in-law wants her son to leave me

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and I am in love with my babyfather. Our relationship started when I was 18 years old and I was living with my parents.

When they became aware that I had a boyfriend, they threatened me and told me that if I did not leave him, they would put me out. I did not intend to leave him. His mother said that if my parents put me out, I could live with them, but we had to get married because they are Christian people and they would not be able to take communion if their son was living with me in their house.

My boyfriend got me pregnant and I was not aware that I was. After I became aware of the pregnancy, everybody said that I should get married. I got married quietly and my parents did not even know. Everything was going fine until my mother-in-law started to meddle in everything I did. I used to cook for my husband and myself and she said we were using up her gas. My husband bought gas many times when her gas ran out. Unfortunately, he lost his job and I wasn't working, so there were many times we hardly had anything to eat because when she cooked and offered me dinner, I told her that I would rather she give the dinner to her son and I would stay without. She started to curse me and she called me "gal". She told me her son could have got a better person to marry, but I pushed myself on him. Her husband used to tell her to leave me alone.

My husband got a security job that wasn't paying much, but he moved out of his parents' house and was renting a back room from a lady. It was not a nice place but I became ill. One day I went to see my parents and I asked them for forgiveness. They told me I was looking very thin. My father told me I should pack my things and come home; my mother agreed. When my husband came home, I told him what my parents said and he was surprised that they wanted me to return to them.

Without my knowledge, my husband went to see my parents to enquire whether they would accept us and forgive us for not even telling them that we were getting married. They told him that they had forgiven us, so we moved in and I am now pregnant with my second child. My father loves our daughter. We are expecting a son and he said that we must give him his name because he would be his first grandson. I feel sorry that I did not listen to my parents. My husband has got a better job. My mother has retired and she has promised to take care of the children whenever I begin to work.

My mother-in-law does not talk to me at all. She says that she is hoping that her son will leave me, but her son does not intend to because I have not done him any wrong. She is just a nosy woman who wanted to control me and to treat me like a child.

E.J.

Dear E.J.,

I am glad that your parents have forgiven you for the mistakes you made. I am glad that you have gone back to them.

Your mother-in-law did not show you respect and that is indeed regrettable. She treated you as a floor mat. I am also glad now that your husband has got a better job and he is trying to support his family.

I hope that both of you would use common sense and practise birth control. Remember, you should only have the number of children you can adequately support; that means feeding them well and educating them. I wish your young husband and you the very best in life.

Pastor