My wife is driving me crazy

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 and I am the father of two children; both of them are with my wife.

I try my best to be a good husband and father, but my wife does not cooperate with me. She thinks I am not a good family man. She is always comparing me to other men, and is always asking me why I can't be like so-and-so. My wife is 30, but from the way she carries herself, one would think that she is only 18. Sometimes when she is going on the street, she wears shorts, and I keep telling her that that is not a good way for a mother to dress. I cannot trust my wife with money. I used to give her money to go to the supermarket, but she used it to buy lots of snacks for the children and then ask me for more money. I still give her money, but not as much.

My wife is working, but she wastes her money on false hair, and is always buying different things online. I come from a poor family. My father left my mother when I was 10, and my mother raised my brother and I without his help. From the time he left my mother, we have not seen him since. My mother sent us to school and my brother and I, with the help of our church, were able to attend college. My brother and I support our mother, and she was able to get a NHT house that we are paying for.

I do not believe that my wife loves my mother. My mother told me so years ago, so she does not come to our house. Not long ago, my wife told me that I must make a decision - it's either I put my mother first or her. I don't believe that I should be put in that position. I know the Bible says a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, but I cannot ignore my mother. I have an obligation to support her because she is not working, and we don't know whether our father is dead or alive. My mother is not interested in finding another man. She is an outstanding Christian woman.

My wife does not even attend church. I have to get the children dressed on Sunday mornings and take them to church with me while my wife remains in bed. I regret the day I married this woman. My brother said she has tied me to her, and he could be right. He tells me that I don't have any sense. But I have never wanted a broken home, and I don't want my children to grow up with a stepfather. My wife is forcing me to find another woman, because she often turns her back on me in bed or pretends that she is asleep when I want to have sex.

Pastor, do you believe that I should divorce this woman? I don't think I can live like this forever.

M.T.

Dear M.T.,

I am very sorry to know that you are an unhappy man, and you believe that your wife is contributing to your unhappiness.

She does not conduct herself well. When she goes on the street, she is not dressed appropriately, and she spends money foolishly. I can say to you, my dear sir, never allow her to stop you from supporting your mother. It is true that the Bible says that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, but the Bible does not say that one should abandon his mother and leave her to suffer. Children are responsible to take care of their parents. Shame on any son or daughter who does not support their needy parents.

Your wife should be happy that you are the type of husband who helps his mother. Now, I don't want to encourage you to believe in the nonsense that your wife has tied you to her. To me, it is nonsense. Tell your wife that you are very unhappy and you would like the both of you to make an appointment to see a family counsellor. Continue to be a good father and husband. I am not going to encourage you to make plans to leave her; that time has not yet come. It may come, but not yet. Exercise more patience. I wish you well.

Pastor